Bob The Bum

The Kid recently said to me, "Lady, read this. I wrote it when I was small."

And so I did.

He was a real strange kid, as you're about to find out. One should mention that, when The Kid wrote the story you're about to read he was unaware of what "snogging" is and didn't realize that "Lea" is actually a woman's name.

Bob The Bum

by Alex Laird

Bob was a very lazy gourd. Ever since Bob was born, 82 years ago at 1212 Gourds Road, Gourdyville Minnesota, he's been sitting around watching sports and TV shows, not paying any attention to the people around him. Bob's parents Amy and Lea Snogging, tried to stop him from watching all those soap operas, comedies and sports games. All the soap operas were bad, some of the comedies were fine, like "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," or "Life with Lou," but some weren't.

Bob would run the remote with his long red tail, and hold his coke with one of his blue hands. In the other hand he would hold a gooey chewy chocolate bar. Bob would listen with his two big white ears, and watch with his 4 regular eyes. He would eat and drink from his two tube eyes, which also served as telescopes. On the top of Bob's head he had red hair. Bob always wore a hat.

Now Bob is old, serious, and grumpy.

Bob's parents died 12 years ago and he was sad, but relieved that he could now watch all the comedies, soap operas, and sports games that he wanted to.

In Bob's spare time, he would call Best Buy and tell them that he was coming in to work. Bob's would eat Pizzas and Tacos every day.