Friday, June 30, 2006

Chuck Dickens

Last night Joey must have been really tired. Somehow, he got onto how 19th century authors' names are so distinguished sounding...until you slap a nickname on them. For example: Charles Dickens...Chuck Dickens.

Seems to us that a fantastic idea for a video would be Joey going into libraries and asking for books by Jimmy Cooper, Bill Shakespeare, Artie Doyle, Bob Stevenson, Steve Crane or Charlie Kingley and see how long it takes for him to get kicked out.

Chuck Dickens. Seriously, I'd never read a book by a guy with that name. No wonder his mom didn't call him Chuck.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

"All 200 Pounds Of Me"

No, I do not weigh 200 pounds.

Last night, Joey called around to try to find a Shih-Tzu breeder in our area. He started by calling the president of our area kennel club, some guy named Larry.


"Hello, is Larry there?" Joey asked politely.

"All 200 pounds of me," came the jovial reply. (I could hear it from where I was standing at the sink and Joey was sitting on the couch!)

The conversation spiraled downard from there. (Larry does not pronounce Shih-Tzu correctly; in fact, he pronounces it quite far from correctly.) He was a nut and a half, but Joey was laughing the entire time. Larry did give us a number of a breeder in our area, though.

We called that lady--no puppies for 2 months. Even after that, we'd have to wait another 3 months to get one. She gave us a number of a breeder in my hometown, so we called that lady.

The second lady was extremely nice. (She lives about 5 miles from where I grew up, actually.) I could hear the babies yipping and yapping in the background. We got to chatting and she slipped into our conversation, "They go for $600 apiece."

I didn't understand her at first.

"Excuse me?"

"They puppies, they go for $600 apiece."

My mind started working really fast. There was no possible way I wanted a $600 puppy. I don't want to show the crazy thing, I just want it to be cute and cuddly! Somehow, I hemmed and hawed my way out of that conversation real fast.

"Joey, she wants $600! I'll drive the 3 hours to that kennel up north and pay $325 any day before I pay $600 for a puppy."

"No kidding."

And so it was decided. We're probably getting #11. http://www.agreatdog.com/shihtzupuppies.html

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

BONK!

Last night at 10:30, Joey and I couldn't decide who was going to turn off the light. We "argued" for about 5 minutes, and then both got up to turn the light off.

Of course then I spotted the "Get Fuzzy" comic flip calendar and puzzled over it for a moment. Joey tried to explain it to me--I did not find it to be funny. At all.

Poor Joey. I really wish I found comics funny.

One of us turned out the light, and both of us jumped (literally, unfortunately) into bed. We landed in the same place. Our heads connected.

BONK!

"OWW!!!" We both moaned.

"I see stars!" Joey wailed.

"I did too," I whimpered.

We burrowed holes into the covers and waited for our searing headaches to pass. They weren't going away.

"Oww, your head bonked me in the cheekbone, right under my eye," Joey said, when he could finally talk again.

"Yeah, you got me in the middle of the crown. I actually felt my skull squish in a bit...does this mean I have a brain full of mush?!" I shook my head a little. It still hurt.

We continued to whine about our headaches for another few minutes, but then decided we might as well sleep them off.

As far as I know, neither one of us woke up with a headache, just an extremely strong desire to go back to bed and sleep all day. (It was gray and pouring rain at 6:30...the perfect day to call a nationwide holiday from work, don't you think?)

Monday, June 26, 2006

I'm Charming

This post title has a dual meaning. Allow me to explain.

In Utah I bought a little hot pink, sparkly flip-flop cell phone charm. I really like it. I have been wanting one since Easter when I noticed my Aunt's. Hers was not a hot pink, sparkly flip-flop, but hers was still cool.

Every time I walk, I hear "smack, smack, smack". It's my charm banging against my phone. Kind of annoying, but terribly cute.

On to other topics...

Just last week, Joey asked our landlord if we could get a puppy. We have, of course, already named him even though we haven't picked him out. (His name is Henry.) We'd been praying that Dave would say yes.

Just this evening, Dave said yes.

To put it in Dave's words (according to Joey), "I knew I was going to say yes as soon as you asked. Jenna has a way with grandpas."

How did he know that?!

I'm obviously more charming than I previously realized. Either that or he likes the fact that I always bring him sweets when I bake them.

I am going to go home now and whip up a batch of something amazing to say THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME GET HENRY! It will probably be two more weeks, or three, before we get our puppy, but this gives me plenty of time to do research so I can be a very good puppy mom.

I figure that Dave is pretty awesome. I am kind of surprised he agreed, but we're just not allowed to let his wife know that we have a dog.

Hehehehe.

Comet May Be Near Death

I returned to work to find my fishy kind of lethargic. Turns out that he only got fed twice in the nine days I was out of the office. Poor little guy. I promptly fed him a few extra flakes of food and he jazzed right up.

It was then that I noticed it.

Comet lives in a large vase with one of those water plants on top. (I cleaned his vase two weeks ago when we had our computer problems so he had fresh water before I left him.) Anyway, several of the roots of the water plant, there are these large, bilious-white blubs growing.

They look SO gross.

Poor Comet! I don't know what they are, so I don't know how to get them to go away. This seems to need some extensive research. My only idea currently is to clean his vase and try to get rid of the blobs, without touching them of course, in hopes that Comet won't die from the creep growing in his vase.

This is truly a sad, sad day.

Leprosy

Since returning from Utah, I have contracted what appears to be leprosy. It also could just be a peeling sunburn, but I prefer to think of it as leprosy. It's so much more dramatic.

The grossness began on Saturday, but got much, much worse on Sunday. By the end of church not only was I sleepy beyond all belief and sore (we were a bit late so we had to sit in the folding chairs in the back...oy vey) but my arms were peeling off in strange, creepy sheets of skin.

The "tan" I had is now pretty much gone.

Yesterday and today I have pretty much worn long sleeves. I'd hate for someone to think they might die from sitting near me. That and the fact that I look downright gross. Kind of like a snake shedding its skin...

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I Break Rules

We just flew back in from Utah last night. We had a fantastic week!

I particularly enjoyed feeding the "wildlife" in the national parks (a raven and a squinny) and drinking Pepsis, eating cookies and Pringles and watching National Treasure at 8:00 in the morning with my sibs.

I did not particularly enjoy how guilty Brother-In-Law1 made me feel for feeding said raven and squinny. I think he'd probably have fed them too, if he wasn't so afraid of getting caught. They were SO CUTE. The raven and I bonded. The squinny and I would have too, but the poor thing kept getting chased off inbetween feedings.

We did a lot of off-roading while we hiked in the national parks. We found some 700 year old petroglyphs (or, if you're my Pops, then they're petrographs...). I might add that Brother-In-Law1 touched a petroglyph. I totally would have done it too, if I hadn't given him such a hard time about it. It sorta gave me the guilts about any trouble I may have chosen to give poor Brother-In-Law1.

Yesterday (or was it two days ago?) we decided to go to the Hoover Dam on the way to Las Vegas. It's not really on the way, but it's just barely out of the way. We toured the dam, it's really huge, and then The Kid, Joey and I went up to the observation deck in the 115 degree heat to go look at the big white dam.

It was pretty big, and definitely white.

On the side of the 150 degree rails were signs posted that said "Do Not Throw Things Off. Workers Below." Of course, that made me want to throw things off.

I whipped out a piece of paper, scribbled a cheesy message, tore it off and wadded it up. I pretended to throw said piece of paper from the side of the dam.

Naturally I didn't do it, but I sure wanted to.

I made The Kid take pictures of the whole process, I figure if my dad happens to see them he'll get all mad at me because he'll figure I actually threw something off the side of the dam. Then I can laugh at him and tell him I actually didn't break the rules for once.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Why Wal-Mart Is The Great Satan, Part 2

I meant to write this several days ago and forgot.

I have been cutting coupons and really trying to be wise about where I grocery shop. Everyone says Wal-Mart is
so much cheaper than Target, so I decided this week to try it one more time.

If you don't remember how much I hate Wal-Mart, please refer to this post. (In case anyone might think that I'm bright enough to link a previous post in my own blog, I must inform you that Joey did the linking. I tried and couldn't figure it out.)

Anyway, I was grocery shopping, selecting the weekly apples for Joey. I have resolved not to buy cheap apples. I think there's a post back in the beginning about me promising never, ever to buy cheap apples again. So I know to buy the Braeburns or Fujis, depending on which is crispier.

At Walmart, they had Braeburns of biblical proportions. These were ginormo apples, if ever I've seen ginormo apples.

They looked...kind of shady.

Seriously, they were about the size of two normal Braeburns. This particular apple farm must be using some crazy apple growth hormone or something.

I picked 6, put them in the basket, and they weighed over four pounds. That is almost one pound per apple! Insane.

At any rate, I was in a hurry so I finished my shopping, uneventfully, and headed home. (I had pizza dough raising in the bread machine!)

I showed Joey the huge apples and he was like, "Woah! COOL! Those apples are huge!" I told him I didn't hold high hopes for them, that I thought they might be mushy inside. As I was putting the finishing touches on dinner, I pulled out one of those King Sized apples and cut it open.

It was full of worms!

Where there should have been nice, crisp, white flesh there were brown streaks, holes, and worm nibbles. Joey was in the other room.

"Honey?! Come check this out!"

Joey came to the kitchen. He was appropriately grossed out by the apple.

"I'm not paying for those. I'm taking them all back to the store. And then I'm seriously never grocery shopping at that place again." I glared at the apple.

Joey agreed. He and Father-In-Law1 took the apples back to the store later when they went to purchase another fan part. Wal-Mart actually took them back, even though I'd cut one up!

That may be the only thing that store has going for it--they'll let you return positively anything.

But seriously--wormy apples?! Come on!

Chicks

Yesterday, after my Most Horrible Day At Work Ever, Joey and I ran errands for our trip to Utah. (Fortunately, we leave tomorrow. I seriously need a vacation!)

We wandered into TJ Maxx because I wanted to show him some really crazy orange, blue and white striped Tommy Hilfiger lounge pants. I'd thought about getting for him when I saw them on Saturday, they were on clearance for $7.

We found the lounge pants stashed on the disorganized clearance rack and Joey said, "Uhm, wow. I don't think I'd lose those. Ever." (I think they're SO COOL.) He decided that he liked them too, and double checked the price tag. "Hey, these are only $5!"

I told him to wear them in Utah. They'd make him look like a wild child, which he totally is.

We wandered over to the housewares clearance, and it was there that I noticed it. It was still here!

I grabbed it and held to myself while I tried to find Joey. I finally found him over in the glassware section, trying to find a price tag on a really sweet glass piece for a coffee table. (We've been looking for one like it for awhile, but haven't been able to find one in our price range. This one's not far off, though.)

"What do you have?" Joey asked, as he flipped the glass piece upside down.

"It's the Chicks sign! I've been watching this for months. It's down to $5!"

Joey looked at the board I was holding up. It was about 2 feet long and 6 inches wide, painted a sage green. The paint looks kind of worn (and it's a bit chipped from being on the clearance rack for so long) and it has the word "Chicks" painted in white with wide, 1900 style brush strokes. There is a fluffy looking, yellow chick to the left of the word Chicks, and he's SO CUTE. He's made of wood too and is raised off the board about 3 inches.

"Wouldn't this look so cool above the sink? It's a little bit Country, but I think it's just goofy enough that it wouldn't look too bad."

Joey nodded. "Let's get it for you."

We hauled our two $5 purchases up, bought them, and headed home. Joey hung "Chicks" above my sink, and we both stood back and said, "Good purchase!" "That looks fantastic." "I love the chick" and "The green really looks great with the living room furniture, and the chick is almost the same color as the wall!" and other things like that.

I like my Chicks.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Blog

The word blog is so....vulgar sounding. This was really bothering me as I tried to fall asleep last night. It sounds like it could be so many things, for instance:

1. A "blog" could be anything gross. "Hey, look, there's a bunch of blog over there. See it? Oh, it's so
nasty!"

2. A "blog could be an exclamatory. "BLOG!!! I can't believe I forgot to clip my toenails this morning!"

3. A "blog" could be an alien of some kind. "Oh no, the Blogs are coming from Outer Space! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

4. A "blog" could be a very unpleasant recipe that your grandma makes only for family reunions. "Look, honey, I made Blog again! Aren't you so excited?"

5. A "blog" could be a huge, vicious animal, rather like an alligator or crocodile. Can you picture it now? "The Adventures of the Blog Hunter." Well, maybe there's not quite the same ring to it.

6. A "blog" could be some kind of huge storm. "The National Weather Service in New York has issued a Severe Blog Warning for the following counties..."

So I think "blog" is a weird, dumb word. Oh well, I didn't make it up!

Victory for Joey

This morning, Joey scared me to death. Well, nearly to death.

I was headed out the door with all my things for work. I was thinking how nice and cool it was outside, and also wishing that it would rain. (We really need it around here, all the grass is torched.)

I had a smile on my face and was just unlocking my car door to throw in all my things when I heard a shrill screech coming from above me.

My heart started beating about 300 bpm and I looked around wildly.

No one was there!

Then I noticed my sneaky husband standing up on the "porch" looking extremely proud of himself. I couldn't tell if it was because of the fact that he scared me so bad, or....

Bang! Snap!

Then he really began to laugh at my terror-stricken face. I still could not figure out what had happened--7:15 a.m. is really early to frighten the living daylights out of someone!

"Hahahah, I scared you so bad! Hahahah, I threw Bang Snaps down at you! Hahaha." Joey was quite proud of himself.

I wilted.

"Why is it that you can scare me so good, so easily, when I've been trying for 13 months to scare you just a little?!"

I suppose it has something to do with what Joey said to me last night: I'm just not very good at it. He's right.

I must say, though, I can't think of anybody who would be more fun to be married to than Joey. But he'd better just watch himself...I think he inadvertantly declared war this morning and I'm gonna get him.

I hope.

It's ALL GONE

The server at work crashed two days ago, and so our computers went down with it. My computer is back up today, but all of my three months of work is gone.

All of it.

There is one, random folder in my My Documents and it says "Newsletters". It's not even a useful folder! All of that stuff is old junk, not even anything I did.

It also helps that only three days ago someone asked me if I'd been backing up all my files on the server. I thought, OH NO! I didn't know I was supposed to be doing this! What if my computer crashes and everything is lost before I have a chance to back everything up?!

Backing up all my files had been the first item on my agenda for today.

Oh well, I might as well mark it off since there are no files to back up.

I could cry.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

My Hiding Skills Need Improvement

Since marrying Joey I have made it a point to try to scare him.

Rarely does this work. Actually, I can't think of a successful "scare" yet. (I need to go to that scare school in Monster's Inc, or something.)

Some of my worst hiding-to-try-to-scare-Joey attempts have been:

1. Hiding behind the door in the bedroom. Naturally this did not work because he noticed that the door was not open all the way.

2. Hiding under the covers in the bed, laying sideways instead of up and down. I was informed that, yes, even though the Jenna lump wasn't up and down, he still noticed a rather human-sized lump going sideways. (I actually wound up scaring myself that time, too.)

3. Hiding behind the laundry room curtain and trying to jump out and scare Joey. Unless my memory fails me (and it does, occasionally) this actually got Joey to jump. But it wasn't a big jump.

4. Hiding underneath the outside stairs. This hiding spot was very, very faulty because the stairs are made out of grates. Joey looked down and said, "Uh, babe? What are you doing down there?"

5. Hiding behind the outside door by where our grill sits. Joey actually did not notice me, but was not scared when he did. I gave myself points on the fact that he hadn't noticed where I'd disappeared, though.

6. Hiding in between the cars. Joey found me there right away; not a good hiding spot at all.

7. Hiding all crouched down outside the front door, that happens to have a large window. The goal was to sort of stop the door from opening, thereby "scaring" Joey. I was just hoping he didn't come blasting through the door and bruise me when I heard, "What are you doing?!" He spotted me through the window.

Joey says pretty much all my "hiding places" are in plain sight. I seem unable to scare him. This does not seem to bother him, though, as I think he enjoys my pathetic antics.

Maybe in Utah I'll actually get a gold medal in Joey Scaring?

Monday, June 12, 2006

I Am Too A Good Cook

name has been changed to protect the innocent (me, of course)

Right, so Father-In-Law1 (not to be confused with any other Father-In-Laws I may or may not have) came over tonight to help Joey fix the wobbly ceiling fan. I like Father-In-Law1, he's pretty cool.

I made this pizza on my (supposedly) non-stick pan that was so highly acclaimed for it's non-stickeyness. I didn't bother to spray on any olive oil.

The pizza looked fantastic. It was golden on the edges, the crust had raised gently and looked really light, and the 3-meat 3-cheese blend (I call it The Trifecta) was bubbling appetizingly.

Father-In-Law1 was very hungry.

As I was cutting the pizza, I noticed the crust was sticking to my non-stick pan!

HORRORS! Now FatherInLaw1 is going to think I'm a terrible cook! I poked at my pizza crust. It definitely seemed to be sticking.

"Oh drat, my the crust is stuck to the pan. This might be kinda mangled pizza."

"Hmm, so you still can't cook?!" Father-In-Law1 commented from the couch.

I shot him an extremely good Look. (I was quite proud of it, actually.)

"Wo-ah!" Joey squacked, from the other couch, "I very rarely see that Look."

Father-In-Law1 looked as if he wondered, for a split second, if I might actually have had my feelings hurt. (I didn't, naturally.)

I made some very witty remark that unfortunately I can no longer remember. Joey came over to dish up the pizza which, amazingly, slid right off the pan once he unstuck the small section that was baked on.

Oh me of little faith.

Anyway, I like Father-In-Law1. He can come over again sometime and I might even feed him. Maybe.

The Case of the Missing Pillowcase

I think we have a laundry thief.

Two weeks ago when I washed our white sheets, we had two pillowcases. Now we only have one. Yesterday morning when I changed the sheets, I searched high and low to try to find the missing pillowcase.

No luck.

I had waited extra long to change the sheets because I didn't really care if I was the one sleeping on 2 week old sheets, but I didn't want Joey to have to come back home to shady sheets. (Sorry, Mom and Dad, probably not what you wanted to hear...) I had considered changing the sheets before my parents and Ernie came to stay with me, but I didn't because I wanted to them to be clean for Joey and I was too lazy to wash and change them two times in three days.

I was such a bum while Joey was gone.

Anyway, all day Sunday I searched for The Pillowcase. I have no idea where that darn thing could have gone. Either it got stuck in the innards of the dryer, Ernie found it and shredded it (possible, actually), or the laundry boogeyman stole it.

It's a toss-up between the first and the last, I figure.

Anyway, I couldn't handle have two mis-matched pillowcases on our bed. Thankfully the sheets are white, and white is about the easiest color to match with. I picked up a fantastic 400-thread-count pair at TJ Maxx for $10.

You know the missing pillowcase is going to show up right as we get ready for bed, now that I've replaced it.

HALLELUJAH!!

Joey is finally back. I no longer have to be a bachelorette.

I didn't really like it.

I picked gray this time because Joey was just mentioning how his "favorite color" is "Imperial Battleship Galactica Gray" or something like that. (I thought the word Galactica was in there...)

Drat, now I've made a ditz of myself again.

sigh.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Ernie Is In The Doghouse

My parents came over last night to hang out with me, since Joey's not home yet. They brought Ernie, and I was so, so, so excited. I bought him 3 special little doggy treats (2 biscuits and 1 "cupcake").

All was well until it was time to go to sleep. I was on the couch and there just wasn't room for Ernie to sleep up there with me. Somehow The Kid manages, but I just wasn't feeling like having a furball make me even warmer than it already was in there.

So I kenneled Ernie.

About 5 minutes later, I began hearing pathetic little yips. The yips turned into whines, the whines turned into yelps, and the yelps turned into full-fledged barks.

I lay there for 20 minutes (it was 10:50 by this time--my bedtime is 10:00) and finally couldn't take it anymore.

"Is it OK if I put Ernie out in the hall?" I yelled back to where my parents were sleeping.

"Yeeeesss," said my sleepy mom.

I said, "You're on my short list, Ernie." And picked up the kennel, dog and all.

I opened the door to my apartment, and stuck Ernie right outside. (Since nobody uses our hallway but us, I knew he'd be safe.)

A few minutes after the door was shut, earplugs in place, and I was comfortably snuggled back down into the couch, I heard a very muffled doggy bark.

Somehow I fell asleep anyway.

Poor little Ernie.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Tactical Error

I had leftover baked beans (a LOT of them) from Sunday. Mrs. Jackson sent me home with a rather large container of them. When I say rather large, I mean a cup and a half or two cups.

I was afraid they'd spoil in the refrigerator....

So I ate them for lunch. All of them.

I feel dreadfully ill.

YAY!

My mom and dad are coming today to give me company since I am still a bachelorette. We're going to go out for dinner, hang out, probably take "The Tour" of Ankeny again, and maybe take Ernie for a walk.

MOM AND DAD ARE BRINGING ERNIE!!!

I am quite thrilled; I even bought him doggy treats yesterday.

The only thing that could make this day be any better, was if Joey came home early! Which, unfortunately, he won't.

Monday, June 05, 2006

And I thought I was nuts

There's a least one person who is more of a cow freak than me! (YAY!) I saw her today on the way to work.

I was driving up 69 at about 7:20 a.m. and noticed a bright red van parked on the shoulder of the opposite side of the road. I noticed that this particular van had very obnoxious seat covers, they also were bright red and had big white Hawaiian flowers all over them.

It might not have been so bad if the reds didn't clash, but these reds clash.

Anyhow, nobody was in the van, but the door was open. My eye caught a glimpse of the driver just as I was about to zip by.

She was out of the car, down in the ditch, and up against the barbed-wire fence trying to get the cows in the field to come over to her.

It wasn't really working.

I thought about pulling over and teaching her my dad's go-to "Si-bossssss" that he says to his cows. It makes them go nuts, but I think it's because they think he's going to give them a treat or something. I didn't think this lady had the skills needed to learn si-bosssss, nor did I have time to teach her. Besides, I doubted that she had any treats (a.k.a hay).

Anyone who tries to fancy up a Dodge Caravan with Hawaiian seat covers needs lots and lots of help.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Dono Treply Strikes Again

I don't usually think of myself as a ditz. But I do have my moments.

Back about a year ago when I was applying for jobs at Wells Fargo Financial, I kept getting these emails from donotreply7@financial.wellsfargo.com. I was amazed that Dono Treply had enough time to send out emails to everybody who had applied for a job, and even more amazed that there were seven Dono Treplys working for Wells Fargo Financial.

His mother, I thought, had no imagination when she was naming him. Seriously, Dono?!

A couple months ago I was sitting, pondering how annoying Dono Treply's name was (it really bothered me!) when I realized something.

donotreply7

Do Not Reply?! Could it be?

It was and I have yet to live that one down.

I was doing a Gmail search for something and one of those old donotreply7@financial.wellsfargo.com emails came up. I thought, "That is a terrible name, Dono Treply. Seriously."

And then I began kicking myself.

So you see? Dono Treply strikes again. I just cannot read, it seems.

In other news, I am really annoyed with Wikipedia. First, half the stuff in there is wrong (Seriously, guys Evangeline Lily is not from Iowa. She's from Fort Saskatchewan in Alberta, Canada! Check IMDB) and the stuff you want to add, they won't let you.

I tried to make an article about my grandpa, Larry Lee Laird, but it wouldn't let me. Something about the person having to have "national significance" or something.

My grandpa has tons of national significance. He has a fan club! (Even if I'm the only remaining member since everybody else lost their pins.) He has a cool RV! He has my dad!

I'm gonna try to make up more stuff to see if I can trick Wikipedia into taking the article. What would be cooler than having an article about your grandpa in Wikipedia?!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

The Kid is Republican

Last night I had fun bothering my little brother.

On the way home from church I got curious (after seeing a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker) what political party The Kid belonged to. He isn't 18 yet, but he can still have a party.

So I called him. He was slightly confused, but he told me that he is, in fact, a Republican.

One of his little friends in the background was talking, so I made him ask her political party. She's an Independent. I don't even know if she knows what an Independent is, I think she's like 14. The Kid was picking out a movie at the movie store, so I hung up with him. He had Important Things to do.

Unfortunately, about 5 minutes later, insatiable curiosity overtook me. I simply had to know what political party Ernie belonged to.

So I hit Alex's speed dial.

"WHAT?!" Demanded Alex.
"I gotta know what political party Ernie belongs to."
"What?? Why! What are you signing me up for?!"
"Nothing really, honest. I just have to know."
"Ernie is a Republican too." I could hear Alex shuffling around in the background.
"Oh good. Ummm...bye." I hung up feeling much better.

Joey and I (because Joey is almost always with me when I do annoying things...except he's not annoying. He's just along for the ride, and to get me out of trouble) got home and a great idea dawned on me.

"Hey Joey, I'm going to call the Kid and see if he'll give me his Social Security Number and date of birth. That'll really freak him out."

Joey shook his head at me and plunked down on the couch to read The Definitive Biography of P.D.Q. Bach.

I hit Alex's speed dial. It rang several times, I thought perhaps he was screening my calls by now.

"What."
"I need your social security number and date of birth." I tried not to laugh.
"What?! NO! I AM NOT GIVING YOU MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER AND DATE OF BIRTH!!!" I hear a smattering of laughter in the background. I assume his friends now think I'm insane. "What the heck are you signing me up for?!"
"Um, nothing. Promise. So you're not going to give it to me?"
"No way."
"Fine then, I'll call mom," I said.
"Mom doesn't know it."
"She used to."
"She forgot it. Besides, I have the card in my pocket."
"I really wanted it."
"You're not getting it." I could tell The Kid would not be moved.

The conversation ended much in that manner.

I never signed him up for anything, but I sure thought about it. I could put him on some really great mailing list, like Young Republicans or I Love Dogs or something.

Hmm....I still might.