We made ridiculously good time last night driving back from Iowa. After Sister and I sang at my parents' church (they need to hire Joey in about 3 years...hint, hint) we all headed back to Mom and Dad's to have a delicious lunch of Christmas Dinner leftovers. Pops got out all the Boundary Waters maps and showed us the potential routes and lakes for our big adventure in August. We're getting excited.
"We need to leave in 15 minutes," Joey said as the time for departure grew near.
I continued looking at Boundary Waters maps until Joey said, "Um, it's past 12:00 and you're the one making us late this time." (I usually harass him about being the one to make us late...the tables have turned.) I made a whiny sort of noise in protest, but got up and put my shoes on. Hugs all around and then, with very little incident (aside from running back in the house to steal a box of Mom's Kleenexes because we're both sick), we were on our way.
I did not even cry.
"You're making progress!" Joey praised me as we drove down Center Point Road while Henry tried to climb over the back seat into my lap.
And thus we were drove, very speedily, I might add, down I-35 to Texas. We had calculated at 14 hour drive and figured that if we left at noon on Sunday we'd get there at 2:00 a.m. on Monday. Joey set the cruise at a very high number (which I won't divulge here) and we drove and drove...and drove and drove.
Because driving through Kansas is my responsibility, I took over at Lawrence when we filled up our tank and didn't stop until Oklahoma City when the gas light came on. Between the cold air and bright lights, I got a tremendous headache and, since it was Joey's turn to drive next, I climbed into the back seat to sleep. I am terrible at sleeping in the car.
I woke with a start what seemed to be about 20 minutes later, and I sat up quickly. We were in some kind of city because there were street lights and road signs.
Ardmore? I thought to myself, figuring I'd only been asleep for a little while.
"Where are we?" I asked sleepily.
"Dallas," Joey replied.
"WHAT?" I gasped, shocked. I glanced at the clock, it read 12:01. "How is that even possible? We're not supposed to be here until 2:00 a.m."
"Well..." said Joey, "That's what happens when you only stop for gas." I could tell he was relishing his victory in proving to me that, yes, trips go faster when you stop only the bare minimum amount of times.
"Yeah, well, I probably have some kind of infection now because you barely let me go to the bathroom." I said. I might be sleepy but that really doesn't make me less feisty.
"Do you actually have to go to the bathroom?" Joey asked me.
"Um, no." I confessed. "But I hardly drank any water so if I get sick it's your fault."
Ten short minutes later, we were home. I have to tell you that it's dreadful business to unload a car laden with heavy things when all you want to do is go to sleep because you're tired and sick. As it was we only unloaded the visible things, everything else is still in the trunk. But, we made it the 850 miles from Cedar Rapids to Dallas in a record time of 12 hours and 15 minutes, with only 3 stops for gas and otherwise.
I believe that's why I'm sitting here with a sinus migraine, fever, and shaky hands. It's unlikely that I will live to ring in the New Year tonight and, if I actually do, I'll probably be asleep by 8:30 so it doesn't really count.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Snowy Day...
I love my parents' house in every season of the year (they have a fantastic acreage) but especially in the winter. The white snow looks so crisp up against their red house. This morning when we woke up there was a lovely blanket of powdery white snow, at least 2 inches deep. Just what the doctor ordered.
In the garage door you can see Sister standing next to the toboggan that is leaning up against the house. The toboggan is taller.
Perhaps you can see that the snow is so deep that it has covered the seat part of this bench. VERY impressive, at least to my Sister.
According to Tradition, Sister and I took bottles out to feed the babies. They were very happy to see us and only rammed us five or six times.
Little Brown, the calf Sister is feeding, is much more polite than the rowdy black and white calf that I was trying to feed. He kept knocking the wind out of me by ramming his head into my stomach. Hard.
This angry looking cow is outside eating hay and getting snowed on.
We found a mound of snow and climbed upon it to be Queens of the Mountain. Unfortunately since there is so much snow you really can't tell what is snow and what is mound. And...I'm all covered in snow because I wiped out really badly right before this picture was taken. Apparently there's a real thick layer of ice under the nice powdery snow...
We found a really old, rickety bench that was covered in snow, so we sat on it to see if it would break. It did not break, which makes Sister and I feel very light and svelte.
I am having so much fun in Iowa! We're about to go to a French place for lunch, just us girls, why the boys go to the cow store and out to some manly place like Maid Rite or pizza or whatever. And the snow isn't even supposed to stop until 3:00 in the afternoon!
In the garage door you can see Sister standing next to the toboggan that is leaning up against the house. The toboggan is taller.
Perhaps you can see that the snow is so deep that it has covered the seat part of this bench. VERY impressive, at least to my Sister.
According to Tradition, Sister and I took bottles out to feed the babies. They were very happy to see us and only rammed us five or six times.
Little Brown, the calf Sister is feeding, is much more polite than the rowdy black and white calf that I was trying to feed. He kept knocking the wind out of me by ramming his head into my stomach. Hard.
This angry looking cow is outside eating hay and getting snowed on.
We found a mound of snow and climbed upon it to be Queens of the Mountain. Unfortunately since there is so much snow you really can't tell what is snow and what is mound. And...I'm all covered in snow because I wiped out really badly right before this picture was taken. Apparently there's a real thick layer of ice under the nice powdery snow...
We found a really old, rickety bench that was covered in snow, so we sat on it to see if it would break. It did not break, which makes Sister and I feel very light and svelte.I am having so much fun in Iowa! We're about to go to a French place for lunch, just us girls, why the boys go to the cow store and out to some manly place like Maid Rite or pizza or whatever. And the snow isn't even supposed to stop until 3:00 in the afternoon!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Holy Cows
This morning The Kid said, "Lady, I'm going to go feed the calves."
I was all ready for the day and had my jeans and stilletos on but I said, "I'm coming too, Man." I really like feeding calves.
"GOSH, fine." He replied. "But you're not going looking like that." (We have a strange sort of interaction with each other, but it works.)
"Obviously."
So I went downstairs and found my old coveralls and put them on over my brand new Gap jeans. I took off my heels, grabbed a pair of The Kid's socks (when he found out I was wearing his socks he got all bent out of shape, but I don't care) and went out to the garage to find my old mud boots.
I think Pops has downsized the boots collection in recent months, because all I could find was the ginormous ones. So I grabbed two huge boots and stuffed my feet and jeans inside them, pulling the coverall part down over the boot for optimal protection of my new jeans.
"You're going to smell terrible now," said The Kid as he came outside and realized I was still wearing my earlier outfit, just with the coveralls over it.
"I don't even care what you say," I said.
The Kid shoved a baby calf bottle into my hands. "Hold that."
(In my defense, the coveralls add 50 pounds. At least.)
So we tromped out to the barn exchanging insults along the way like "your boots have more poo in the treads than mine do" and "obviously you don't know anything about walking on ice" and "it's unlikely that you'll succeed in life".
"Are these new calves?" I asked The Kid.
"Yes, they're a month old. Dad got them on Christmas day." The Kid replied. Earlier he had complained and carried on that Pops had made him do that thing on a holiday. See, the thing is Pops isn't actually a farmer, he just really wishes that he was so he has some cows and chickens that he keeps around for fun.
We entered the baby calves' stall and the calves ran up to us and slammed their little heads into our tummies.
The Kid's calf finished his milk first and decided he wanted to get in on some of my calves' action so he came over and stomped on my foot and shoved his head right into my stomach in the diaphragm area. It was very shocking.
Pops had a nice teenager-sized calf in the next stall who was real furry and apathetic looking.
"You can pet that one if you want, but he's not real social," The Kid said as he threw hay at the bigger, furrier calf.
Like I'm going to turn down an opportunity to pet a big furry calf, so I ran into the stall (stepped in some cow business on the way, too, which was kind of fragrant and disgusting) and tried to pet the cow. He wasn't interested in me.
And...that's about the extent of the excitement at the Laird house today. We're supposed to get some kind of snowstorm tomorrow so Pops and I went to get Diesel fuel so he can run the "tractor" to plow us out if necessary.
I was all ready for the day and had my jeans and stilletos on but I said, "I'm coming too, Man." I really like feeding calves.
"GOSH, fine." He replied. "But you're not going looking like that." (We have a strange sort of interaction with each other, but it works.)
"Obviously."
So I went downstairs and found my old coveralls and put them on over my brand new Gap jeans. I took off my heels, grabbed a pair of The Kid's socks (when he found out I was wearing his socks he got all bent out of shape, but I don't care) and went out to the garage to find my old mud boots.
I think Pops has downsized the boots collection in recent months, because all I could find was the ginormous ones. So I grabbed two huge boots and stuffed my feet and jeans inside them, pulling the coverall part down over the boot for optimal protection of my new jeans.
"You're going to smell terrible now," said The Kid as he came outside and realized I was still wearing my earlier outfit, just with the coveralls over it.
"I don't even care what you say," I said.
The Kid shoved a baby calf bottle into my hands. "Hold that."
(In my defense, the coveralls add 50 pounds. At least.)So we tromped out to the barn exchanging insults along the way like "your boots have more poo in the treads than mine do" and "obviously you don't know anything about walking on ice" and "it's unlikely that you'll succeed in life".
"Are these new calves?" I asked The Kid.
"Yes, they're a month old. Dad got them on Christmas day." The Kid replied. Earlier he had complained and carried on that Pops had made him do that thing on a holiday. See, the thing is Pops isn't actually a farmer, he just really wishes that he was so he has some cows and chickens that he keeps around for fun.
We entered the baby calves' stall and the calves ran up to us and slammed their little heads into our tummies.
The Kid's calf finished his milk first and decided he wanted to get in on some of my calves' action so he came over and stomped on my foot and shoved his head right into my stomach in the diaphragm area. It was very shocking.
Pops had a nice teenager-sized calf in the next stall who was real furry and apathetic looking."You can pet that one if you want, but he's not real social," The Kid said as he threw hay at the bigger, furrier calf.
Like I'm going to turn down an opportunity to pet a big furry calf, so I ran into the stall (stepped in some cow business on the way, too, which was kind of fragrant and disgusting) and tried to pet the cow. He wasn't interested in me.
And...that's about the extent of the excitement at the Laird house today. We're supposed to get some kind of snowstorm tomorrow so Pops and I went to get Diesel fuel so he can run the "tractor" to plow us out if necessary.
My New Piercing
If you look real close, you can see a little diamondy stud in my cartilage. Most people do this kind of thing in high school or college but...I didn't get around to it in high school and my college had rules about how many piercings girls were allowed to have. (Two piercings total, in the lobe only. And I'm serious about this.)So now, several years late, I finally pierce my cartilage.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
To Jenna, From Santa
I grew up knowing that Santa did not exist, and that was just fine with me. Didn't bother me a bit. We always did the Christmas play as our tradition anyway, and usually I got to be Mary, an angel with a glittery halo, or the sheep if I was lucky. Way cool.
When I woke up and saw all the presents under the tree I was told, in No Uncertain Terms by the Brothers that I was not to touch any of the presents under it. So I looked very carefully but did not touch.
This Christmas morning I'm at Joey's parent's house. There are presents under the tree (lots), the stockings have been opened (I got a pretty bracelet, 2 movies, and some grippies for pulling hot stuff out of the oven, among other things).
When I woke up and saw all the presents under the tree I was told, in No Uncertain Terms by the Brothers that I was not to touch any of the presents under it. So I looked very carefully but did not touch.
Until...
"WOAH! One of these says it's to Jenna from Santa!" I grabbed the gift and picked it up to have a closer look.
The Brothers yelled, "You're not supposed to touch that!" "Put that down!" and "MOM, Jenna touched a present!"
I looked at them smugly. "I don't count because I'm a girl, I can touch my presents if I want to." And I carried my present over to Joey, who took a picture of it for me to post here.
I'm not sure if you can read that label, but it totally says To Jenna, From Santa. It's my first present from Santa in my entire 25 year lifespan.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Welcome to Iowa
We got the OK from my office to leave at noon on Friday because we'd heard scuttle that a blizzard was blowing in on Saturday, the day we'd previously planned to drive north.
Good thing we left early.
Aside from thick fog once we hit the Iowa border, we made excellent time on our drive up; 11 and a half hours, a new record! There wasn't even much snow on the ground and I spent several miles lamenting that fact to Joey who replied, "What did you just think there'd be a fresh, pristine blanket of snow on the ground just for you?"
Yes, I had thought that.
We made it to Joey's parent's house by 12:00 p.m. on Friday and fell asleep about 2:00 because we all sat up talking about nothing for an hour and a half, which is really a lot of fun to do. On Saturday morning I woke up bright and early thanks to our puppy who has ADHSD (attention deficit, super hyperactivity disorder) and who couldn't understand why in the world no one else was up but him. I got fed up and took him on a walk.
Henry's initial reactions to his first snow and ice:
And, after all that work, we headed up to Ankeny to hang out with our friends. Rumor had it that a blizzard was coming, but there wasn't any snow and we figured we were fine.
It started snowing at 2:00. Hard. We moved up our dinner plans an hour (had a great time, too, thanks Joel & Amber!) and finally started the 45 minute drive from Ankeny back to Monroe.
It had snowed a lot more than we thought it had. A lot more. The freeways were 100% snow covered in places which made it very difficult to tell which lane you were in, or even how many lanes there were. Joey spent most of his time in the center of what we thought was the middle of the road.
About halfway back to Joey's parents house, we hit a whiteout. For those of you who are from down South and don't know what a whiteout is, it's when the snow is blowing across the plains so hard and fast that all you can see is white in front of you and around you. We couldn't see more than 8 feet in front of us and nothing out the side windows.
I started getting really, really scared.
"What should we do?" I wimpered.
"We'll be fine," assured Joey, my excellent driving husband who had both hands on the wheel, white-knuckle style.
So, since there wasn't anything else to do, we prayed and prayed and prayed. The whiteout lasted about 20 minutes and then abated to just blowing snow. Under normal circumstances blowing snow is pretty bad but, after whiteout conditions, blowing snow is a walk in the park.
It is now 19 degrees outside (it was 71 when we left TX on Friday) and I am freezing cold but am quite satisfied that I will have experienced all of Iowa's winter weather gamut by the time we go back to Dallas.
Good thing we left early.
Aside from thick fog once we hit the Iowa border, we made excellent time on our drive up; 11 and a half hours, a new record! There wasn't even much snow on the ground and I spent several miles lamenting that fact to Joey who replied, "What did you just think there'd be a fresh, pristine blanket of snow on the ground just for you?"
Yes, I had thought that.
We made it to Joey's parent's house by 12:00 p.m. on Friday and fell asleep about 2:00 because we all sat up talking about nothing for an hour and a half, which is really a lot of fun to do. On Saturday morning I woke up bright and early thanks to our puppy who has ADHSD (attention deficit, super hyperactivity disorder) and who couldn't understand why in the world no one else was up but him. I got fed up and took him on a walk.
Henry's initial reactions to his first snow and ice:
- What is that white stuff and where am I supposed to go to the bathroom now? (It took a full 12 hours before we could convince him that yes, it was OK to use the snow for his business. He kept looking for grass which is buried ice covered snow.)
- It's cold and I don't like it.
- Why do my paws slip when I walk on the shiny stuff?
- When I try to jump on a snow drift, why do I fall?
And, after all that work, we headed up to Ankeny to hang out with our friends. Rumor had it that a blizzard was coming, but there wasn't any snow and we figured we were fine.
It started snowing at 2:00. Hard. We moved up our dinner plans an hour (had a great time, too, thanks Joel & Amber!) and finally started the 45 minute drive from Ankeny back to Monroe.
It had snowed a lot more than we thought it had. A lot more. The freeways were 100% snow covered in places which made it very difficult to tell which lane you were in, or even how many lanes there were. Joey spent most of his time in the center of what we thought was the middle of the road.
About halfway back to Joey's parents house, we hit a whiteout. For those of you who are from down South and don't know what a whiteout is, it's when the snow is blowing across the plains so hard and fast that all you can see is white in front of you and around you. We couldn't see more than 8 feet in front of us and nothing out the side windows.
I started getting really, really scared.
"What should we do?" I wimpered.
"We'll be fine," assured Joey, my excellent driving husband who had both hands on the wheel, white-knuckle style.
So, since there wasn't anything else to do, we prayed and prayed and prayed. The whiteout lasted about 20 minutes and then abated to just blowing snow. Under normal circumstances blowing snow is pretty bad but, after whiteout conditions, blowing snow is a walk in the park.
It is now 19 degrees outside (it was 71 when we left TX on Friday) and I am freezing cold but am quite satisfied that I will have experienced all of Iowa's winter weather gamut by the time we go back to Dallas.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Wonder Woman
This is what I have done in the last 14 hours. I am very exhausted.
- I took down Christmas and redecorated the house back to the way it used to be. This, unfortunately, involved Joey throwing our very dead Christmas tree over the balcony (we'd have had a major needle disaster on our hands if we tried to take it out the conventional way through the front door) and me dragging it out to the Dumpster and launching it in one-handed. It also involved finding dead pine needles in strange places on my person for the next several hours.
- We (mostly me) cleaned the entire house. It was more than necessary because of the dead pine needles that were all over the place...
- Joey studied while I cleaned and then took a final at DTS while I ran to the hospital to drop off a gift for a friend
- We packed to go out of town for a week - to Iowa! - because we have to leave today at noon instead of Saturday morning because of some ice storm they're getting up there. Hooray!
- I got up at 5:00 a.m . so I could get to the office by 6:00 a.m. That is too early for anyone to be thinking logically about anything, if you ask me.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Truffles?
Has anyone but me every wondered why those things that wild boars root around for in the ground are called truffles? I mean, they're not anything like the chocolate truffles I'm eating right now (Harry and David ones, courtesy of some Fund).
Truffles that are not made of chocolate look like little poos. Why would anyone want to eat that, much less pay $75 for a dish of them at some restaurant?
This is something that has always bothered me. If anyone knows the answer, please enlighten.
Truffles that are not made of chocolate look like little poos. Why would anyone want to eat that, much less pay $75 for a dish of them at some restaurant?
This is something that has always bothered me. If anyone knows the answer, please enlighten.
The Case of the Multiplying Tool Caddys
Several weeks ago we went with our friends to Fair Park in Lights. Home Depot had a booth for children under the age of 12 or 13 to make free crafts.
"You look like you're under 12," Joey goaded me.
I took off my wedding ring and handed it to him. Then I marched off after Danny Stiller who also thought he could pass for under 12 or 13.
The lady didn't even bat an eye. She handed me a kit to make a wooden tool caddy and I proudly displayed my catch to Joey, who gave me back my wedding ring. Then he helped me put it together because I did it completely wrong the first time. You cannot glue the entire thing together before putting nails in it and expect it to hold, I discovered. Glue gets everywhere and nothing sticks together. What a mess.
Anyway, I got very frustrated and made Joey come finish my tool caddy, and he did a wonderful job. He barely even got any glue on himself.
This is what our tool caddies looked like once we finished them. And, yes, those are safety goggles you see on my face.
My tool caddy, unfortunately, has sat in the backseat of our car since then. It's not really useful but I couldn't bear to throw it away.
Last Saturday Joey and I switched cars with Danny and Laura so we could take their Jeep up to Ikea to bring back our NEW BEDROOM FURNITURE! (It's amazing, our dresser drawers open smoothly and don't fall out anymore!) I hurriedly cleaned out the grodies in our car and stuffed the tool caddy under the passenger seat. And we were off.
Joey traded our cars back later that evening and on Sunday, as we drove to church, I noticed our tool caddy was sitting in the passenger's seat. That's weird, maybe they wanted to look at it or something? I thought to myself. I threw it in the back seat without a second glance.
We girls had a cookie exchange on Sunday afternoon, and the boys went to see a movie at the cheap theater. As we were leaving Laura #1's house (not to be confused with Laura Stiller, Jeep owner) Danny mentioned that he'd put his tool caddy in our car for us to burn in our fireplace.
"OH! That's how we got two!" Joey said. He must have noticed that we had two in the back seat. He's more observant than me.
I considered protesting, just to be difficult, that maybe we didn't want to burn their tool caddy when Danny trumped me. "It's better for the environment than throwing it away..."
My budding environmentalism is being used against me. Anyway, we burned their tool caddy. It made a nice, hot fire...lots hotter than the regular wood we got from the woodman. And here, taken by Joey, is a picture of the poor little tool caddy going up in flame.
"You look like you're under 12," Joey goaded me.
I took off my wedding ring and handed it to him. Then I marched off after Danny Stiller who also thought he could pass for under 12 or 13.
The lady didn't even bat an eye. She handed me a kit to make a wooden tool caddy and I proudly displayed my catch to Joey, who gave me back my wedding ring. Then he helped me put it together because I did it completely wrong the first time. You cannot glue the entire thing together before putting nails in it and expect it to hold, I discovered. Glue gets everywhere and nothing sticks together. What a mess.
Anyway, I got very frustrated and made Joey come finish my tool caddy, and he did a wonderful job. He barely even got any glue on himself.
This is what our tool caddies looked like once we finished them. And, yes, those are safety goggles you see on my face.
My tool caddy, unfortunately, has sat in the backseat of our car since then. It's not really useful but I couldn't bear to throw it away.
Last Saturday Joey and I switched cars with Danny and Laura so we could take their Jeep up to Ikea to bring back our NEW BEDROOM FURNITURE! (It's amazing, our dresser drawers open smoothly and don't fall out anymore!) I hurriedly cleaned out the grodies in our car and stuffed the tool caddy under the passenger seat. And we were off.
Joey traded our cars back later that evening and on Sunday, as we drove to church, I noticed our tool caddy was sitting in the passenger's seat. That's weird, maybe they wanted to look at it or something? I thought to myself. I threw it in the back seat without a second glance.
We girls had a cookie exchange on Sunday afternoon, and the boys went to see a movie at the cheap theater. As we were leaving Laura #1's house (not to be confused with Laura Stiller, Jeep owner) Danny mentioned that he'd put his tool caddy in our car for us to burn in our fireplace.
"OH! That's how we got two!" Joey said. He must have noticed that we had two in the back seat. He's more observant than me.
I considered protesting, just to be difficult, that maybe we didn't want to burn their tool caddy when Danny trumped me. "It's better for the environment than throwing it away..."
My budding environmentalism is being used against me. Anyway, we burned their tool caddy. It made a nice, hot fire...lots hotter than the regular wood we got from the woodman. And here, taken by Joey, is a picture of the poor little tool caddy going up in flame.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Reindeer
Pops,
I think I have come up with a brilliant new business proposition for you. It involves reindeer, which I know you don't want to purchase because they're not beef, but I am hoping to convince you to open your mind or something. I'd probably be the happiest girl in the entire world if you bought a reindeer, and I'd try to convince all my Texas friends to come up North to see you and your reindeer. What would be cooler?
Please see Exhibit A: the Wiki on Reindeer
Reindeer are very versatile and cute. Also I guess some people eat them, but I don't know why you'd want to.
Also, having a reindeer would be a good extra source of income. About August of every year you could start eating lots of doughnuts and brownies and grow your beard out real long and fluffy. Mom could help you dye it gray. You could get a nice big red Santa suit and stand outside with your reindeer and then children could come by and pay money to see Santa and his reindeer. (If you wanted to make it more authentic you could get 8 reindeer...)
Some Important Reindeer Facts compiled by 2nd graders:
I leave you with a cute picture of a baby reindeer to sway your opinions.
Love,
Jenna, your oldest and most persuasive daughter
I think I have come up with a brilliant new business proposition for you. It involves reindeer, which I know you don't want to purchase because they're not beef, but I am hoping to convince you to open your mind or something. I'd probably be the happiest girl in the entire world if you bought a reindeer, and I'd try to convince all my Texas friends to come up North to see you and your reindeer. What would be cooler?
Please see Exhibit A: the Wiki on Reindeer
Reindeer are very versatile and cute. Also I guess some people eat them, but I don't know why you'd want to.
Also, having a reindeer would be a good extra source of income. About August of every year you could start eating lots of doughnuts and brownies and grow your beard out real long and fluffy. Mom could help you dye it gray. You could get a nice big red Santa suit and stand outside with your reindeer and then children could come by and pay money to see Santa and his reindeer. (If you wanted to make it more authentic you could get 8 reindeer...)
Some Important Reindeer Facts compiled by 2nd graders:
- A full grown reindeer can run between 12 and 15 miles an hour pulling a loaded sleigh. They can do this for many hours. (very useful, I'd say)
- Caribou and reindeer are not the same animal they are cousins. They are not the same because reindeer are smaller.
- Reindeer can be found in northern parts of North America, Asia, and Europe. It is very cold where they live.
- Reindeer eat reindeer moss called lichen. It grows on the ground and is good for them to eat. (It would be valuable to take one to the Boundary Waters so it could eat the lichen in front of us and then we wouldn't slip.)
- Reindeer owners cut a notch in the ears to tell who the reindeer belongs to.
- Reindeer can carry up to 300 pounds. This is the same as they weigh.
I leave you with a cute picture of a baby reindeer to sway your opinions.
Love,
Jenna, your oldest and most persuasive daughter
Friday, December 14, 2007
Joey Exercises Great Self Control
So I had a couple extra bucks laying around and thought to myself, "I think I'll buy Joey that 17 inch MacBook Pro laptop thingy he's been wanting but I wouldn't let him get way back when." I'd been feeling kind of guilty for buzzkilling him last year when he purchased his current laptop, so I wanted to make amends.
I made The Kid help me because I don't know much about computers. He asked me questions like,
"Do you want high res or low res?" (I don't even know what that is...)
"Does Joey want glossy or matte? (I knew the answer here: glossy)
"Does Joey want 2.33 or 2.4"? (Again, what even IS that?)
He also asked a bunch of other stuff I can't even remember. Finally, everything was settled on and I ordered Joey's Dream Machine. I felt like the nicest wife in the entire world. Think of how much more amazing movies would look on a 17 inch screen instead of our little 13 inch!
I wondered how I should tell Joey that I just spent an unauthorized ton of money. I decided I'd just give him the payment slip with the specs on it so that way if, for some really strange reason, he didn't want it I could return it before he had his Dream Machine in his hands.
After I picked him up I gave him a kiss and handed him the sheet of paper.
"What....what is this?!" He asked.
"That's yours, I bought it for you today," I replied. "Is it what you always wanted? The Kid helped me."
"It's better than what I wanted. It's amazing! But...we can't keep it." Joey looked over at me sadly.
"Aw maaaaan, are you serious?" I said. I was afraid he'd say that.
"I need to use the one I have for another couple years before we replace it. I need to learn to be a good steward of what I currently have." He looked very longingly at the piece of paper he held in his hands.
"OK..." I said, "Let's go cancel it then."
We walked over to the DTS library and attempted to cancel the laptop. However, that was impossible because the order had been fully processed. So that means the thing is going to ship all the way to my office and then I am going to have to return it.
"Do not let me touch that," Joey said. "I will keep it if I see it."
"I know." I said.
"I can't believe you bought me that computer!" Joey said as we walked back to the car.
"I can't believe you're not keeping it." I said giving him a little poke in the ribs.
"In two years you can buy me the best best best computer there is. And a video camera." He added, quickly.
"A video camera has never been in the deal," I replied wryly.
There was a pause and then: "Can we get a big monitor to watch movies on?"
I made The Kid help me because I don't know much about computers. He asked me questions like,
"Do you want high res or low res?" (I don't even know what that is...)
"Does Joey want glossy or matte? (I knew the answer here: glossy)
"Does Joey want 2.33 or 2.4"? (Again, what even IS that?)
He also asked a bunch of other stuff I can't even remember. Finally, everything was settled on and I ordered Joey's Dream Machine. I felt like the nicest wife in the entire world. Think of how much more amazing movies would look on a 17 inch screen instead of our little 13 inch!
I wondered how I should tell Joey that I just spent an unauthorized ton of money. I decided I'd just give him the payment slip with the specs on it so that way if, for some really strange reason, he didn't want it I could return it before he had his Dream Machine in his hands.
After I picked him up I gave him a kiss and handed him the sheet of paper.
"What....what is this?!" He asked.
"That's yours, I bought it for you today," I replied. "Is it what you always wanted? The Kid helped me."
"It's better than what I wanted. It's amazing! But...we can't keep it." Joey looked over at me sadly.
"Aw maaaaan, are you serious?" I said. I was afraid he'd say that.
"I need to use the one I have for another couple years before we replace it. I need to learn to be a good steward of what I currently have." He looked very longingly at the piece of paper he held in his hands.
"OK..." I said, "Let's go cancel it then."
We walked over to the DTS library and attempted to cancel the laptop. However, that was impossible because the order had been fully processed. So that means the thing is going to ship all the way to my office and then I am going to have to return it.
"Do not let me touch that," Joey said. "I will keep it if I see it."
"I know." I said.
"I can't believe you bought me that computer!" Joey said as we walked back to the car.
"I can't believe you're not keeping it." I said giving him a little poke in the ribs.
"In two years you can buy me the best best best computer there is. And a video camera." He added, quickly.
"A video camera has never been in the deal," I replied wryly.
There was a pause and then: "Can we get a big monitor to watch movies on?"
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
The Record Is Broken
Yesterday, apparently, there was more at work than just my uncomfortable and impractical fashion choices.
I haven't thrown up since I was somewhere between a freshman and sophomore in high school, which was about 10 years ago. I was so proud of myself.
After I picked up Joey from DTS and slid over to the passenger's seat so he could drive home, I spent most of the time saying, "I feel so terrible, Joey. So terrible; it's the weirdest thing." I kind of stumbled into the house, yanked off my boots and flopped on the bed still in my itchy wool Lucy dress from work.
"I'm going to die. I can't make you dinner tonight, honey...I can't even think about food. Can you bring me some Calmicid?" I thought maybe, just maybe, an antacid would help me.
So I lay there kind of wiggling around and whining while Joey went to the kitchen to try to find himself something to eat. I had been planning to make turkey burgers, but the thought of raw meat was enough to...well, you know. I was starting to get bored of laying on my bed so I changed into loungies, got a book, and crawled under the covers.
My stomach continued to feel like it was going to explode. And my boredom was increasing fivefold...it seemed like a bad combination. So I took my pity-party out to the study where Joey was working on his MacGyver project for a class. (Yes, you read that correctly. Joey is analyzing MacGyver whether is an Idealist of Realist for his Christian Education class. Totally his own idea.)
"I feel terrible." I whined.
"Poor thing," Joey consoled me. "Maybe you're pregnant, you should go take a pregnancy test," he suggested a little bit too cheerfully.
"No, this is obviously not morning sickness, it's like 7:30 at night. Besides, I'm not pregnant." I pouted.
"Maybe. But then you've never been exactly normal in the first place, so maybe you'll have evening sickness instead of morning sickness. Want to watch my MacGyver clips?" His logic was confusing me.
MacGyver made me feel slightly better for about 2 minutes. Joey came and sat on the floor in front of my chair giving me a strange, sickly, boxed-in feeling.
"Um, I think you should move. I mean, what if I have to throw up or something and you're blocking me in like this?"
"Just tell me to move and I'll move," Joey said logically.
Suddenly: "MOVE!!!" I said urgently and ran off to the bathroom.
I did my bathroom thing. It was extremely unpleasant, but not as unpleasant as I've spent the last 10 years thinking it would be. And as I was brushing my teeth I realized that Joey and Henry had been sitting outside the door the entire time to "make sure I was OK".
How awkward.
"I broke my record," I said dismally as I exited the bathroom. Joey was sitting on the floor looking concerned and ashen. Henry had no clue what was going on.
"I know, I heard," Joey replied.
"That's real disgusting that you did that," I said. "It's quite uncomfortable to know you have an audience for such things."
Joey assured me that he only wanted to make sure I didn't die or some such silliness. I flopped back onto the couch and then said, "Can we go get a new toothbrush?"
I haven't thrown up since I was somewhere between a freshman and sophomore in high school, which was about 10 years ago. I was so proud of myself.
After I picked up Joey from DTS and slid over to the passenger's seat so he could drive home, I spent most of the time saying, "I feel so terrible, Joey. So terrible; it's the weirdest thing." I kind of stumbled into the house, yanked off my boots and flopped on the bed still in my itchy wool Lucy dress from work.
"I'm going to die. I can't make you dinner tonight, honey...I can't even think about food. Can you bring me some Calmicid?" I thought maybe, just maybe, an antacid would help me.
So I lay there kind of wiggling around and whining while Joey went to the kitchen to try to find himself something to eat. I had been planning to make turkey burgers, but the thought of raw meat was enough to...well, you know. I was starting to get bored of laying on my bed so I changed into loungies, got a book, and crawled under the covers.
My stomach continued to feel like it was going to explode. And my boredom was increasing fivefold...it seemed like a bad combination. So I took my pity-party out to the study where Joey was working on his MacGyver project for a class. (Yes, you read that correctly. Joey is analyzing MacGyver whether is an Idealist of Realist for his Christian Education class. Totally his own idea.)
"I feel terrible." I whined.
"Poor thing," Joey consoled me. "Maybe you're pregnant, you should go take a pregnancy test," he suggested a little bit too cheerfully.
"No, this is obviously not morning sickness, it's like 7:30 at night. Besides, I'm not pregnant." I pouted.
"Maybe. But then you've never been exactly normal in the first place, so maybe you'll have evening sickness instead of morning sickness. Want to watch my MacGyver clips?" His logic was confusing me.
MacGyver made me feel slightly better for about 2 minutes. Joey came and sat on the floor in front of my chair giving me a strange, sickly, boxed-in feeling.
"Um, I think you should move. I mean, what if I have to throw up or something and you're blocking me in like this?"
"Just tell me to move and I'll move," Joey said logically.
Suddenly: "MOVE!!!" I said urgently and ran off to the bathroom.
I did my bathroom thing. It was extremely unpleasant, but not as unpleasant as I've spent the last 10 years thinking it would be. And as I was brushing my teeth I realized that Joey and Henry had been sitting outside the door the entire time to "make sure I was OK".
How awkward.
"I broke my record," I said dismally as I exited the bathroom. Joey was sitting on the floor looking concerned and ashen. Henry had no clue what was going on.
"I know, I heard," Joey replied.
"That's real disgusting that you did that," I said. "It's quite uncomfortable to know you have an audience for such things."
Joey assured me that he only wanted to make sure I didn't die or some such silliness. I flopped back onto the couch and then said, "Can we go get a new toothbrush?"
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Myrtle N. Girdle
Because the ideal of every American woman is to be svelte and curveless, I decided to buy one of those shaper things from Target to try to make up for what I was lacking in the stick department.
I decided to give it a try today.
First of all, it was extremely warm. I kept feeling sick and hot from all the extra layers around my middle and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate.
Second of all, it was giving me a stomachache. I suppose this makes sense since the thing was squashing me together around my middle, but I was still feeling like I was about to be sick.
Thirdly, my lower back was killing me.
So I decided to ask my sister for advice.
Jenna: i'm DYING
AshleyNicole: maybe you should take it off
Jenna: but I can't. it's huge...where would I put it
AshleyNicole: under your desk
Jenna: now there's an idea.
AshleyNicole: lol
Jenna: it's like extremely ugly bike shorts with a hardish type extender that goes halfway up my torso. real terrible stuff. what's that girls "name" in Anne of Avonlea?
AshleyNicole: lol; yeah
Jenna: I can't do it, I'm going to barf
AshleyNicole: good
And that is why I have a box under my desk that I will absolutely die if anyone opens.
I decided to give it a try today.
First of all, it was extremely warm. I kept feeling sick and hot from all the extra layers around my middle and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate.
Second of all, it was giving me a stomachache. I suppose this makes sense since the thing was squashing me together around my middle, but I was still feeling like I was about to be sick.
Thirdly, my lower back was killing me.
So I decided to ask my sister for advice.
Jenna:
so I'm wearing this girdle-type thing today to constrict my fluff and I think it's hurting my back
AshleyNicole: lol. poor sister
Jenna: i'm DYING
first of all I'm real warm from my tights and boots plus this girdle type thingy, and now my back is just throbbing
AshleyNicole: maybe you should take it off
Jenna: but I can't. it's huge...where would I put it
AshleyNicole: under your desk
Jenna: now there's an idea.
"Jenna, what's that large, painful looking white thing under your desk?"
"Oh, that's just my girdle"
AshleyNicole: lol
Jenna: it's like extremely ugly bike shorts with a hardish type extender that goes halfway up my torso. real terrible stuff. what's that girls "name" in Anne of Avonlea?
Myrtle N. Girdle?
AshleyNicole: lol; yeah
Jenna: I can't do it, I'm going to barf
I found a box so I'm going to put the girdle in the box
AshleyNicole: good
And that is why I have a box under my desk that I will absolutely die if anyone opens.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Joey's Haircut!!!
I finally convinced him to let me do it and I have photographic evidence!
BEFORE:
THE PILE OF HAIR:
AFTER:
Ahhhh, doesn't he look nice?
BEFORE:
THE PILE OF HAIR:
AFTER:
Ahhhh, doesn't he look nice?
The Big Party
Joey and I had a party at the Gaylord Texan this weekend. It was a big shin-dig type affair with "holiday attire" on the invitation and everything. We decided to just go ahead and make a weekend of it since we got significantly discounted room rates at the Gaylord. We had a fantastic view from our room's balcony into the atrium below. Very fun.
Just behind that oil rig is the live reindeer that I didn't get a picture of but really, really wanted to pet. But it cost money, which I think is a complete and total ripoff.
Once we had checked ourselves into the room and verified that the TV worked (such a novelty!) we got ready for our party. I had found a dress on extreme clearance at Ann Taylor Loft some months ago, and decided that it was just right for such an occasion. (My mother, on the other hand, will probably disagree. Hehehe.)
(Sister, I am making that terrible inflated-cheeks face just for you, but you can't really tell.)
Don't we look sharp and ready to party with a bunch of people we barely even know?!
Joey even wore his fancy dress watch which he hasn't worn in 6 months. After we felt like we'd been at the party for long enough (seriously, we don't drink and really aren't much for dancing...how much is there to do at a party anyway?) Joey glanced down at his watch.
"Oh, 9:30." He said.
"Well that's long enough for me, let's get out of here." I said.
We walked back up to our room and, to our great chagrin, noticed that the clock read 8:30. Joey's watch had never been changed after Daylight Savings Time (since it hasn't been worn) and we had only been at the party for about 2 hours!
Whoops.
We decided we were OK with it and did not go back downstairs.
The next morning we went around and took pictures of the neato stuff in the hotel's atrium. It's fun because it's huge, lush and green, and set up like an old Texas town with a main street-type plaza and everything.
I really like this fountain but I kept getting sprayed as I sat here.
This cow is my favorite part of the whole thing, as you can tell from the look on my face.
We found these huge Koi fish swimming in the "river" along the "riverwalk". I wanted to catch one but Joey (as usual) wouldn't let me.
Just behind that oil rig is the live reindeer that I didn't get a picture of but really, really wanted to pet. But it cost money, which I think is a complete and total ripoff.Once we had checked ourselves into the room and verified that the TV worked (such a novelty!) we got ready for our party. I had found a dress on extreme clearance at Ann Taylor Loft some months ago, and decided that it was just right for such an occasion. (My mother, on the other hand, will probably disagree. Hehehe.)
(Sister, I am making that terrible inflated-cheeks face just for you, but you can't really tell.)
Don't we look sharp and ready to party with a bunch of people we barely even know?! Joey even wore his fancy dress watch which he hasn't worn in 6 months. After we felt like we'd been at the party for long enough (seriously, we don't drink and really aren't much for dancing...how much is there to do at a party anyway?) Joey glanced down at his watch.
"Oh, 9:30." He said.
"Well that's long enough for me, let's get out of here." I said.
We walked back up to our room and, to our great chagrin, noticed that the clock read 8:30. Joey's watch had never been changed after Daylight Savings Time (since it hasn't been worn) and we had only been at the party for about 2 hours!
Whoops.
We decided we were OK with it and did not go back downstairs.
The next morning we went around and took pictures of the neato stuff in the hotel's atrium. It's fun because it's huge, lush and green, and set up like an old Texas town with a main street-type plaza and everything.
I really like this fountain but I kept getting sprayed as I sat here.
This cow is my favorite part of the whole thing, as you can tell from the look on my face.
We found these huge Koi fish swimming in the "river" along the "riverwalk". I wanted to catch one but Joey (as usual) wouldn't let me.
Henry's Wedding Picture
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Leprechauns
"Are leprechauns small?" I asked Joey.
"Um, I think so," he replied absently; we were watching Gladiator on TV.
"Well, I wish I had one."
Joey kind of smirked. I also wish I had a panda, koala, squirrel, ferret, chipmunk, reindeer, gopher and...
"I'm sure you do." He said.
"No, seriously. If I had one I'd keep him in my pocket all the time, and whenever I got kind of bored or sleepy I'd bring him out of my pocket and have him do a little dance for me. I think I would like that."
I giggled just thinking about it.
But do they make girl leprechauns? Because if I was going to keep it in my pocket I think I'd be more comfortable with a girl leprechaun.
Joey, get on it. I want one of those for Christmas.
"Um, I think so," he replied absently; we were watching Gladiator on TV.
"Well, I wish I had one."
Joey kind of smirked. I also wish I had a panda, koala, squirrel, ferret, chipmunk, reindeer, gopher and...
"I'm sure you do." He said.
"No, seriously. If I had one I'd keep him in my pocket all the time, and whenever I got kind of bored or sleepy I'd bring him out of my pocket and have him do a little dance for me. I think I would like that."
I giggled just thinking about it.
But do they make girl leprechauns? Because if I was going to keep it in my pocket I think I'd be more comfortable with a girl leprechaun.
Joey, get on it. I want one of those for Christmas.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Henry Is Inappropriate
For those of you who haven't had a chance to experience the amazing lengths of Henry's tongue, I have attached a picture.
That is the most disturbing picture I have seen in a long time. I hated to have to post it here to freak you all out, but it's kind of necessary in order to understand the rest of what I'm about to tell you.
See, Henry's my baby since I don't actually get to have one for, like, a million more years while Joey finishes (or almost finishes) seminary. So we pretend Henry is our little boy and we hold him just like a toddler. He likes being held on our hips so he can see what's going around up high where we are.
So there I was, standing by my kitchen bar and holding Henry as though he were my real little boy (although I realize that he's not and that he's a dog). He was happily sniffing my chin and looking at the things on things on the counter; he was being cute.
I turned my face towards Henry's and, at the very same moment he decided it was time to lick my chin I opened my mouth to say something to Joey.
Yes, it's true. Henry stuck his nasty puppy-dog tongue right in my mouth.
"Joey!!" I yelled as I quickly deposited Henry on the floor and ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth. "Henry just stuck his tongue in my mouth!"
Joey just laughed at me. Henry sat on the floor looking up at me like, "What is wrong with you, Mom?"
It was horrible.
That is the most disturbing picture I have seen in a long time. I hated to have to post it here to freak you all out, but it's kind of necessary in order to understand the rest of what I'm about to tell you.See, Henry's my baby since I don't actually get to have one for, like, a million more years while Joey finishes (or almost finishes) seminary. So we pretend Henry is our little boy and we hold him just like a toddler. He likes being held on our hips so he can see what's going around up high where we are.
So there I was, standing by my kitchen bar and holding Henry as though he were my real little boy (although I realize that he's not and that he's a dog). He was happily sniffing my chin and looking at the things on things on the counter; he was being cute.
I turned my face towards Henry's and, at the very same moment he decided it was time to lick my chin I opened my mouth to say something to Joey.
Yes, it's true. Henry stuck his nasty puppy-dog tongue right in my mouth.
"Joey!!" I yelled as I quickly deposited Henry on the floor and ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth. "Henry just stuck his tongue in my mouth!"
Joey just laughed at me. Henry sat on the floor looking up at me like, "What is wrong with you, Mom?"
It was horrible.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
RUN!!!
Last night we did some homework for Joey. Guess what it was? No, seriously, guess.
OKFINE, I'll just tell you. We watched The Dead Poet's Society, one of my favorite movies. Joey had to watch it and The Emperor's Club for one of his education classes and is doing a review of the movies.
The movie was done about 9:00 and Joey said, "Let's go on a walk back to Blockbuster and return the movie."
It is over a mile to Blockbuster. And it was late. And dark. Also coldish outside.
"OK, let's do it!" I said, putting on my shoes and extra warm sweatshirt.
Considering we didn't leave the house until 9:20, we made excellent time. The entire walk wound up being about 2.5 miles and we did it in 42 minutes. We weren't really breaking any landspeed records, but it was fun to walk and talk and burn some of Henry's energy off.
The sprinklers were watering the grass as we walked back into our complex. We always get amused by the sprinklers that someone has kicked the top off and shoot into the air like Old Faithful.
"Hey, cool. Look at that messed up sprinkler!" Joey pointed to a geyser-like spray arcing over the sidewalk. "Let's run through it." He suggested.
"OK," I agreed, "but 10 bucks says it'll stop spraying just as get ready to run through it."
I should have made him shake on it. That darn sprinkler shut off as we were two strides away, subsequently taking away our opportunity to run underneath it. (It was shooting so high into the air we could have done it, too, and barely gotten wet at all.)
"Stupid sprinkler," I said, and glared at it as we walked by.
Around the corner we came upon another sprinkler, this one gently misting the grass the way they were designed to.
"How do you think...." I paused at the sprinkler and looked at it.
"What are you doing?" Joey asked, but he didn't need to. He knew exactly what I was thinking. I wound up my right leg and kicked that sprinkler as hard as I could.
I missed, so nothing happened.
Joey tried not to laugh. I kicked again, several times, and actually made contact with the sprinkler once, but not enough to knock the sprinkler guard off and cause a geyser of water.
I crouched down and examined the sprinkler hardware. I tried to pull the guard off but that didn't work, so I stood up again and started kicking at it.
Joey glanced around and yelled, "Smith!"
Smith Patrol is the rent-a-cop service we have in our apartment complex, so I ducked down and scooted away. Then I realized there was no Smith patrol so I glared at him and went back to kicking the sprinkler.
"You keep missing," Joey smirked at me.
"RAR," I responded to him. My hand-eye coordination is bad, but my foot eye coordination is worse. Especially when it's dark, the object is small, and there's water involved.
I'd had enough. I went for one last, solid kick and...
WHAM!
I actually succeeded and kicked the sprinkler guard off. Water sprayed everywhere. I stood there, shocked by my victory for just a moment. Then,
"RUN!!!" I stage-whisper yelled. (Is that even possible?)
Joey and I ran away from the geyser I had created (and was no half soaked from) giggling like school children and watching behind us to see if we'd gotten caught.
"What do you think it would be like to be married to someone normal?" I asked Joey as we rounded the corner and felt very Out Of Danger.
"I have absolutely no idea," replied Joey.
And he probably never will.
OKFINE, I'll just tell you. We watched The Dead Poet's Society, one of my favorite movies. Joey had to watch it and The Emperor's Club for one of his education classes and is doing a review of the movies.
The movie was done about 9:00 and Joey said, "Let's go on a walk back to Blockbuster and return the movie."
It is over a mile to Blockbuster. And it was late. And dark. Also coldish outside.
"OK, let's do it!" I said, putting on my shoes and extra warm sweatshirt.
Considering we didn't leave the house until 9:20, we made excellent time. The entire walk wound up being about 2.5 miles and we did it in 42 minutes. We weren't really breaking any landspeed records, but it was fun to walk and talk and burn some of Henry's energy off.
The sprinklers were watering the grass as we walked back into our complex. We always get amused by the sprinklers that someone has kicked the top off and shoot into the air like Old Faithful.
"Hey, cool. Look at that messed up sprinkler!" Joey pointed to a geyser-like spray arcing over the sidewalk. "Let's run through it." He suggested.
"OK," I agreed, "but 10 bucks says it'll stop spraying just as get ready to run through it."
I should have made him shake on it. That darn sprinkler shut off as we were two strides away, subsequently taking away our opportunity to run underneath it. (It was shooting so high into the air we could have done it, too, and barely gotten wet at all.)
"Stupid sprinkler," I said, and glared at it as we walked by.
Around the corner we came upon another sprinkler, this one gently misting the grass the way they were designed to.
"How do you think...." I paused at the sprinkler and looked at it.
"What are you doing?" Joey asked, but he didn't need to. He knew exactly what I was thinking. I wound up my right leg and kicked that sprinkler as hard as I could.
I missed, so nothing happened.
Joey tried not to laugh. I kicked again, several times, and actually made contact with the sprinkler once, but not enough to knock the sprinkler guard off and cause a geyser of water.
I crouched down and examined the sprinkler hardware. I tried to pull the guard off but that didn't work, so I stood up again and started kicking at it.
Joey glanced around and yelled, "Smith!"
Smith Patrol is the rent-a-cop service we have in our apartment complex, so I ducked down and scooted away. Then I realized there was no Smith patrol so I glared at him and went back to kicking the sprinkler.
"You keep missing," Joey smirked at me.
"RAR," I responded to him. My hand-eye coordination is bad, but my foot eye coordination is worse. Especially when it's dark, the object is small, and there's water involved.
I'd had enough. I went for one last, solid kick and...
WHAM!
I actually succeeded and kicked the sprinkler guard off. Water sprayed everywhere. I stood there, shocked by my victory for just a moment. Then,
"RUN!!!" I stage-whisper yelled. (Is that even possible?)
Joey and I ran away from the geyser I had created (and was no half soaked from) giggling like school children and watching behind us to see if we'd gotten caught.
"What do you think it would be like to be married to someone normal?" I asked Joey as we rounded the corner and felt very Out Of Danger.
"I have absolutely no idea," replied Joey.
And he probably never will.
Monday, December 03, 2007
"Where do you think they keep the rum?"
I was making this amazing chocolate buttermilk cake with chocolate buttercream frosting for a party we had this weekend, and one of the ingredients it called for was:
Rum (preferably Meyer's)
Guys, I don't even know where to find rum much less the difference between regular rum and Meyer's rum. So off we went to Central Market, because Central Market has everything, right?
Wrong.
So there we were in the wine section wandering around and trying not to run our cart into any $50 bottles of Bordeaux or Pinot Noir looking for the rum.
"Where do you think they'd keep it?" Joey asked, looking around with a lost expression on his face.
"I have absolutely no idea." I said, looking quite lost myself.
We walked up and down every aisle and finally went to the cooking wine section. Joey pointed to a bottle of something in French.
"What...what is that?"
"I think it's some kind of non-alcoholic apple cider. Maybe" I said, analyzing the bottle without touching it. It was expensive and you know "break it, you buy it".
I went over to look at a cedar cabinet with lots of bottles inside it, and Joey took another turn around the wine section. I found him again a short time later by the refrigerated beer with a Foodie (that's what Central Market calls their helper people) talking at him. She seemed flirtatious.
"Did you find it?" I asked loudly.
The flirtatious Foodie looked at me with biggish, surprised eyes and replied, "We don't carry rum."
"Thanks then," I said.
And, with that, Joey and I walked out of the alcohol section at Central Market without breaking a single bottle of anything.
I wound up using imitation rum that I found at Target. Ugh. Totally not the same thing, but it got the job done. The cake, however, was delicious...
Rum (preferably Meyer's)
Guys, I don't even know where to find rum much less the difference between regular rum and Meyer's rum. So off we went to Central Market, because Central Market has everything, right?
Wrong.
So there we were in the wine section wandering around and trying not to run our cart into any $50 bottles of Bordeaux or Pinot Noir looking for the rum.
"Where do you think they'd keep it?" Joey asked, looking around with a lost expression on his face.
"I have absolutely no idea." I said, looking quite lost myself.
We walked up and down every aisle and finally went to the cooking wine section. Joey pointed to a bottle of something in French.
"What...what is that?"
"I think it's some kind of non-alcoholic apple cider. Maybe" I said, analyzing the bottle without touching it. It was expensive and you know "break it, you buy it".
I went over to look at a cedar cabinet with lots of bottles inside it, and Joey took another turn around the wine section. I found him again a short time later by the refrigerated beer with a Foodie (that's what Central Market calls their helper people) talking at him. She seemed flirtatious.
"Did you find it?" I asked loudly.
The flirtatious Foodie looked at me with biggish, surprised eyes and replied, "We don't carry rum."
"Thanks then," I said.
And, with that, Joey and I walked out of the alcohol section at Central Market without breaking a single bottle of anything.
I wound up using imitation rum that I found at Target. Ugh. Totally not the same thing, but it got the job done. The cake, however, was delicious...
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Lip Balm Crisis
So I was sitting here when I suddenly realized that I needed a lip balm fix. I am, shall we say, a lip balm addict. I also have problems making decision when I have more than one option (it's hereditary).
I reached for my lip balm and suddenly realized that I had three different kinds within reach. And, if you count the additional two different kinds in my purse, that put the grand total of lip balms within two feet of me at five.
Five lip balms.
Five.
I withdrew my hand and stared at the three lip balms that I could see. My visible options were:
1. Burt's Bees
2. C.O. Bigelow Spearmint Mentha Lip Shine
3. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint in a shade of red
I started to squirm when I realized I had to make a decision. Then I remembered that I had two more different kinds of lip balm in my purse; maybe I wanted one of those? My invisible options were:
1. C.O. Bigelow Shea Butter Lip Balm
2. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint in a shade of pink
Which one do I pick? Do I want pink lips, red lips, shiny lips, smooth lips or pepperminty lips? I squirmed as I pondered my options.
The decision-making process was proving stressful. I think I have too many lip balms. Suddenly I grabbed my Burt's Bees, applied it, and leaned back with a great sigh of relief; one (albeit minor) decision down.
I reached for my lip balm and suddenly realized that I had three different kinds within reach. And, if you count the additional two different kinds in my purse, that put the grand total of lip balms within two feet of me at five.
Five lip balms.
Five.
I withdrew my hand and stared at the three lip balms that I could see. My visible options were:
1. Burt's Bees
2. C.O. Bigelow Spearmint Mentha Lip Shine
3. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint in a shade of red
I started to squirm when I realized I had to make a decision. Then I remembered that I had two more different kinds of lip balm in my purse; maybe I wanted one of those? My invisible options were:
1. C.O. Bigelow Shea Butter Lip Balm
2. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Tint in a shade of pink
Which one do I pick? Do I want pink lips, red lips, shiny lips, smooth lips or pepperminty lips? I squirmed as I pondered my options.
The decision-making process was proving stressful. I think I have too many lip balms. Suddenly I grabbed my Burt's Bees, applied it, and leaned back with a great sigh of relief; one (albeit minor) decision down.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Henry Gets Crafty
My Father-in-Law Answers The Door
At 6:00 last night we decided to have Joey's parents over for dinner. So we rushed around and made sure we truly did have enough food for 4 people, then we all sat down to eat a nice meal of chicken marsala, biscuits and some other stuff that I can't remember right now.
The Lauras and I were planning to leave around 7:00ish from our place to go shopping for some Christmas gifts. Our SF group got a couple of names of needs DTS student's children, and so we planned to have a toy-shopping evening. Super fun.
Well, Laura #1 showed up at 7:00 and was kind of confused when she saw 2 other people in our house that she didn't recognize. She, naturally, thought she'd got the time/date/place wrong and was screwing up our dinner. We assured her that she was right on schedule, we'd just juggled around our plans.
Than...FIL#1 got a tricksy look on his face. "I should have answered the door and freaked you out! Made you think you had the wrong place and everything!" He said to Laura #1, who was sitting on our couch. Poor Laura #1.
Joey laughed and laughed. "You have to do that when Laura #2 comes in a few minutes. And I'll take a picture of her face."
Even poorer Laura #2!
"She can handle it," Laura #1 said with a little giggle.
I decided the safest place to stay out of this mess was in the kitchen. So I left Laura #1 on the couch and started on the pile of dirty dishes we'd accumulated as we made dinner. About 10 minutes later, there was a knock on the door.
Joey and FIL#1 sprang into action. (I have never seen either one of them move quite so fast before.) Joey yelled, "Just a minute!" and FIL#1 took his place by the door.
FIL#1 opened the front door and said "hi" as Joey snapped a picture, and there stood poor Laura #2, just as confused as can be.
"What is going ON?!" Laura #2 asked as FIL#1 let her in the house. She was seriously confused.
Joey explained the prank and Laura #2 said she'd have been even more confused if Joey hadn't screwed it up by yelling "just a minute" the way he did. (Seriously, Joey.)
"That picture's going on your blog tomorrow, isn't it," Laura #2 bemoaned.
(Of course it is. I mean seriously, look at that amazing look on her face?!)
We all had a good laugh, mostly at Laura #2's expense, and us girls headed out to go shopping. A good time was had by all.
Well, I think all. Hehehe...
The Lauras and I were planning to leave around 7:00ish from our place to go shopping for some Christmas gifts. Our SF group got a couple of names of needs DTS student's children, and so we planned to have a toy-shopping evening. Super fun.
Well, Laura #1 showed up at 7:00 and was kind of confused when she saw 2 other people in our house that she didn't recognize. She, naturally, thought she'd got the time/date/place wrong and was screwing up our dinner. We assured her that she was right on schedule, we'd just juggled around our plans.
Than...FIL#1 got a tricksy look on his face. "I should have answered the door and freaked you out! Made you think you had the wrong place and everything!" He said to Laura #1, who was sitting on our couch. Poor Laura #1.
Joey laughed and laughed. "You have to do that when Laura #2 comes in a few minutes. And I'll take a picture of her face."
Even poorer Laura #2!
"She can handle it," Laura #1 said with a little giggle.
I decided the safest place to stay out of this mess was in the kitchen. So I left Laura #1 on the couch and started on the pile of dirty dishes we'd accumulated as we made dinner. About 10 minutes later, there was a knock on the door.
Joey and FIL#1 sprang into action. (I have never seen either one of them move quite so fast before.) Joey yelled, "Just a minute!" and FIL#1 took his place by the door.
FIL#1 opened the front door and said "hi" as Joey snapped a picture, and there stood poor Laura #2, just as confused as can be.
"What is going ON?!" Laura #2 asked as FIL#1 let her in the house. She was seriously confused.Joey explained the prank and Laura #2 said she'd have been even more confused if Joey hadn't screwed it up by yelling "just a minute" the way he did. (Seriously, Joey.)
"That picture's going on your blog tomorrow, isn't it," Laura #2 bemoaned.
(Of course it is. I mean seriously, look at that amazing look on her face?!)
We all had a good laugh, mostly at Laura #2's expense, and us girls headed out to go shopping. A good time was had by all.
Well, I think all. Hehehe...
268 mg of caffeine in 6 hours...
I woke up at 5:00 with a fearsome cluster headache. (I'd felt it coming on about 9:00 last night so I was at least sort of prepared.) It hurt so bad that I didn't even get up to take Excedrin Migrane which, in hindsight, was a pretty bad idea. In any case, when I finally hauled myself out of bed at 6:30, I popped 2 Excedrin tablets. Each Excedrin tablet has 65 mg of caffeine, so that was 130 total.
Because of the headache I decided that I might as well have coffee with breakfast since I already had a headache. Besides, maybe a little more caffeine wouldn't hurt? So I brewed myself some drip coffee, which tops out at 100 mg of caffeine.
And now, with my Jason's Deli for lunch I am drinking a Pepsi, which has 38 mg of caffeine.
This puts my grand total of caffeine intake for the morning at 268 mg. (Mom, don't pass out.) I'm starting to feel a little jittery, caffeine paranoid, shifty, and otherwise strange.
AAAAUGH!!!
Because of the headache I decided that I might as well have coffee with breakfast since I already had a headache. Besides, maybe a little more caffeine wouldn't hurt? So I brewed myself some drip coffee, which tops out at 100 mg of caffeine.
And now, with my Jason's Deli for lunch I am drinking a Pepsi, which has 38 mg of caffeine.
This puts my grand total of caffeine intake for the morning at 268 mg. (Mom, don't pass out.) I'm starting to feel a little jittery, caffeine paranoid, shifty, and otherwise strange.
AAAAUGH!!!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Thankful for Thanksgiving
Being expat Iowans like we are, we found ourselves about 12 hours too far away to go home for Thanksgiving. This left us with a Very Important Decision:
1. Have Thanksgiving by ourselves and try not to burn the turkey
2. Have Thanksgiving somewheres else
We have cool friends, so we got an invitation to have Thanksgiving somewheres else. (Hooray!) We weren't sure they had entirely realized what they'd gotten themselves into when they invited us because I still don't know much of anything about football, ("Woah, that guy just whacked that thing out of the air at the end of the field, was that good?") or about computers. ("Joey, come put stuff on the flash drive for me. I still don't know how...")
Almost everyone knows that two important things on Thanksgiving are watching football and going through the ads to decide whether or not it's worth it to go shopping on Friday. I try to understand football, I really do. But there are just some things in life that I can't seem to comprehend. And I need Joey to feel like he's The Man, so I let him do all the computer stuff.
Anyway, Danny and Laura invited us to Laura's family's house to share the holiday. We had a fantastic time.
Before lunch we watched football. Correction: Joey watched football and I tried to watch football. None of the refs got ran over by any football players in the 10 minutes I managed to watch, so I got bored of it very quickly and looked through the ads. Cabelas wasn't having any good deals on anything unless you wanted guns (ick) or a fake deer to practice shooting your gun (also ick).
This is Danny and Laura. We are very thankful that they shared their family with us for the day! I managed to be 95% homesick free, which is a pretty good percentage considering all the amazing funness that was being had in Iowa without us.
After lunch we went on a very long walk. It was nice and cold outside which was perfect for Thanksgiving. (Rumor has it that snowflakes were seen in Dallas, but we were in Plano and didn't see any.) We all bundled up as much as possible and headed out. Fortunately, Joey had our camera in tow.
We hadn't walked four blocks when Joey saw a large cluster of bushes.
"Danny, run behind that bunch of bushes and I'll take your picture," he said.
Danny ran over to the bushes and posed like a gopher. (At least we think it looks like a gopher, who knows, maybe he was going for chipmunk.)
(The two nice-looking people in the foreground are Laura's parents. And that's Danny behind the bush.)
Someone happened to notice this trailer parked right across the street from the bushes that Danny had been hiding behind. I'm not sure you can read it, it's pretty small, but there are about four cameras on top of the trailer pointed right at the bushes. The sides of the trailer say "WE ARE WATCHING YOU!" They're serious about it, too.
We half expected FBI agents to come busting out and take us all down.
Along trail was a creek and, as we got closer to the bridge, everyone ran to grab sticks we could play Poohsticks. I held mine and Joey's since he was taking pictures.
And, for a brief moment, I thought I'd actually won! But then it was pointed out to me that Laura's brother Matt had won and his stick looked an awful lot like mine.
(I will point out that Joey's stick, a smallish, lightweight reed-type thing, lost the worst of every other stick. So at least I beat him.)
We walked a little bit farther and, around a bend, we came upon this sign.
"Ha!" Joey crowed, "Go stand under that sign! I think you'll fit."
I fit. Barely.
The pond/lake was just down the path from the horsey sign, and the sidewalk and bank of the pond was covered in geese. It was pretty amazing. So Danny and Megan chased them and made them all fly away which, had I different shoes on, I'd have totally done too.
Our first Texas Thanksgiving, I'd say it was a pretty great day. Thanks to Danny and Laura and the Reeders for hosting us, we had a fantastic time.
1. Have Thanksgiving by ourselves and try not to burn the turkey
2. Have Thanksgiving somewheres else
We have cool friends, so we got an invitation to have Thanksgiving somewheres else. (Hooray!) We weren't sure they had entirely realized what they'd gotten themselves into when they invited us because I still don't know much of anything about football, ("Woah, that guy just whacked that thing out of the air at the end of the field, was that good?") or about computers. ("Joey, come put stuff on the flash drive for me. I still don't know how...")
Almost everyone knows that two important things on Thanksgiving are watching football and going through the ads to decide whether or not it's worth it to go shopping on Friday. I try to understand football, I really do. But there are just some things in life that I can't seem to comprehend. And I need Joey to feel like he's The Man, so I let him do all the computer stuff.
Anyway, Danny and Laura invited us to Laura's family's house to share the holiday. We had a fantastic time.
Before lunch we watched football. Correction: Joey watched football and I tried to watch football. None of the refs got ran over by any football players in the 10 minutes I managed to watch, so I got bored of it very quickly and looked through the ads. Cabelas wasn't having any good deals on anything unless you wanted guns (ick) or a fake deer to practice shooting your gun (also ick).
This is Danny and Laura. We are very thankful that they shared their family with us for the day! I managed to be 95% homesick free, which is a pretty good percentage considering all the amazing funness that was being had in Iowa without us.After lunch we went on a very long walk. It was nice and cold outside which was perfect for Thanksgiving. (Rumor has it that snowflakes were seen in Dallas, but we were in Plano and didn't see any.) We all bundled up as much as possible and headed out. Fortunately, Joey had our camera in tow.
We hadn't walked four blocks when Joey saw a large cluster of bushes.
"Danny, run behind that bunch of bushes and I'll take your picture," he said.
Danny ran over to the bushes and posed like a gopher. (At least we think it looks like a gopher, who knows, maybe he was going for chipmunk.)
(The two nice-looking people in the foreground are Laura's parents. And that's Danny behind the bush.)Someone happened to notice this trailer parked right across the street from the bushes that Danny had been hiding behind. I'm not sure you can read it, it's pretty small, but there are about four cameras on top of the trailer pointed right at the bushes. The sides of the trailer say "WE ARE WATCHING YOU!" They're serious about it, too.
We half expected FBI agents to come busting out and take us all down.Along trail was a creek and, as we got closer to the bridge, everyone ran to grab sticks we could play Poohsticks. I held mine and Joey's since he was taking pictures.
And, for a brief moment, I thought I'd actually won! But then it was pointed out to me that Laura's brother Matt had won and his stick looked an awful lot like mine. (I will point out that Joey's stick, a smallish, lightweight reed-type thing, lost the worst of every other stick. So at least I beat him.)
We walked a little bit farther and, around a bend, we came upon this sign.
"Ha!" Joey crowed, "Go stand under that sign! I think you'll fit."
I fit. Barely.
The pond/lake was just down the path from the horsey sign, and the sidewalk and bank of the pond was covered in geese. It was pretty amazing. So Danny and Megan chased them and made them all fly away which, had I different shoes on, I'd have totally done too.
Our first Texas Thanksgiving, I'd say it was a pretty great day. Thanks to Danny and Laura and the Reeders for hosting us, we had a fantastic time.
Monday, November 26, 2007
The Great Christmas Tree Hunt
We spent Thanksgiving with our friends Danny and Laura (yes, folks, THE Danny and Laura of thestillers.blogspot.com fame) and had a great day. Somewhere in the middle of the afternoon as we were discussing Black Friday deals and Christmas trees, we decided to try to find a real, live Christmas tree farm and cut ourselves a couple of Christmas trees.
So I asked The Google where I might find a Christmas tree farm. It told me I'd find one in Flower Mound, complete with hayrides.
I shall abridge the story and just tell you that the Christmas tree farm in Flower Mound gets their trees from Michigan. They are not "cut your own" and, considering the place is in the middle of town, I have no idea where they give these alleged hayrides.
So we gave up and drove over to that Lowe's on Jupiter. But, quite by accident, we found a Christmas tree tent a few parking lots over from Lowes. These Christmas trees came from Oregon (I'm not sure if that was supposed to be a major selling point or not...) and were proudly displayed in all their fluffy, pine-needley glory. These trees were not all strung up with twine like the ones at Lowes.
Joey and I conspired about our budget and finally settled on $40. We ran hither and yon until, at last, we found the perfect tree. (We also found a tree that cost $350 and was taller than my parents house. But we left it in the lot.)
We also brought our camera along and took 100 pictures. (You did read that correctly - one hundred pictures in less than an hour) I think it's dangerous for Woestmans to own cameras.
Once we found The Tree Danny said, "Stand by it and I'll take your picture." We stood by the tree. Danny took about 25 pictures. I like this one because I'm being all green friendly and hugging my tree.
This one Joey made me put in here. I look like an idiot and I think that's why he picked it. He's not very nice.
I decided to carry the tree out of the tent. It wasn't very heavy but it was very sappy, prickly and cumbersome. I was mostly just proud of myself that I got the tree off of the ground, up into the air, and over the other taller trees since I'm not very tall in the first place.
When I finally got the tree outside the guy came over and said, "You know, I'd have come and gotten it for you." I couldn't tell if he was annoyed with me or not, but I decided I didn't really care. So I told him it was OK and we just wanted to be sure we got the right tree. (That's really only half true, mostly I wanted to carry the tree around.)
This is Danny and Laura and their cute little tree. Fortunately they have a Jeep and we were able to tie our trees on top of it...otherwise I'm really not sure how we'd have gotten our tree back into our house.
Poor Henry, we brought the tree inside and got it all set up. He was fairly scared of it until it was in its stand, then he hesitantly came over to smell it. His analysis was that it was poky, sharp and wasn't worth his time. (Whew.)
And this is our Christmas living room. I love it! Isn't the tree just perfect? And we have a fireplace to hang our stockings! I just love Christmas...
So I asked The Google where I might find a Christmas tree farm. It told me I'd find one in Flower Mound, complete with hayrides.
I shall abridge the story and just tell you that the Christmas tree farm in Flower Mound gets their trees from Michigan. They are not "cut your own" and, considering the place is in the middle of town, I have no idea where they give these alleged hayrides.
So we gave up and drove over to that Lowe's on Jupiter. But, quite by accident, we found a Christmas tree tent a few parking lots over from Lowes. These Christmas trees came from Oregon (I'm not sure if that was supposed to be a major selling point or not...) and were proudly displayed in all their fluffy, pine-needley glory. These trees were not all strung up with twine like the ones at Lowes.
Joey and I conspired about our budget and finally settled on $40. We ran hither and yon until, at last, we found the perfect tree. (We also found a tree that cost $350 and was taller than my parents house. But we left it in the lot.)
We also brought our camera along and took 100 pictures. (You did read that correctly - one hundred pictures in less than an hour) I think it's dangerous for Woestmans to own cameras.
Once we found The Tree Danny said, "Stand by it and I'll take your picture." We stood by the tree. Danny took about 25 pictures. I like this one because I'm being all green friendly and hugging my tree.
This one Joey made me put in here. I look like an idiot and I think that's why he picked it. He's not very nice.
I decided to carry the tree out of the tent. It wasn't very heavy but it was very sappy, prickly and cumbersome. I was mostly just proud of myself that I got the tree off of the ground, up into the air, and over the other taller trees since I'm not very tall in the first place.
When I finally got the tree outside the guy came over and said, "You know, I'd have come and gotten it for you." I couldn't tell if he was annoyed with me or not, but I decided I didn't really care. So I told him it was OK and we just wanted to be sure we got the right tree. (That's really only half true, mostly I wanted to carry the tree around.)
This is Danny and Laura and their cute little tree. Fortunately they have a Jeep and we were able to tie our trees on top of it...otherwise I'm really not sure how we'd have gotten our tree back into our house. 
Poor Henry, we brought the tree inside and got it all set up. He was fairly scared of it until it was in its stand, then he hesitantly came over to smell it. His analysis was that it was poky, sharp and wasn't worth his time. (Whew.)
And this is our Christmas living room. I love it! Isn't the tree just perfect? And we have a fireplace to hang our stockings! I just love Christmas...
My Pops Turns The Big 5-0!!!
Today is my daddy's birthday and, since he's not my mom or a lady, I can tell you all how old he is. He's 50. It's lame that I have to be in Texas on such a comemorative day as today, so I have spent the better part of the morning coming up with amazing things about my dad.
But first, here's 50 ways to say happy birthday. Some are other languages and some are just, well, things I came up with. (You'll definitely be able to tell which is which.)
It's Dad's birthday! Veels geluk met jou verjaarsdag vader! Happy birthday Dad! Feliz cumpleanos Padre! My dad's getting older! Aita Zorionak! Gray hair is great! Happy birthday to you! Sretan Rodendan! 5+ for the birthday boy/man!
Van harte gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag! Dad speaks English; happy birthday! L‡ breithe mhaith agat! Birthday felicitations! Ick wuensch da allet Jute zum Jeburtstach! Happy birthday Pops! Inuuinni pilluarit! A pinch to grow an inch! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Celebrate You!
Birthday. Happy. Joyeux Anniversaire! Hau`oli Lā Hānau! Daudz laimes dzimsanas diena! We like Dad's birthday! Grattis pŒ fšdelsedagen! Dogum gunun kutlu olsun! Make a birthday sale! Many happy returns of the day! Let him eat cake!
appyhay irthdaybay! A Freilekhn Gebortstog! Hppy Brthdy! Bonne Fete! My dad's birthday is better than your dad's birthday! Felichan Naskightagon! 5+ for anyone whose birthday is today! Vsechno nejlepsi! Tracy Lesan would say Vsetko najlepsie k narodeninam!
Picaw-picaw! (that's chicken for happy birthday...) Maligayang Bati Sa Iyong Kaarawan! No working on your birthday, make Mom do it all!! Vse najboljse za rojstni dan! Three cheers for Dad; if we didn't have him we wouldn't have us! Mi fresteri ju! All cats adore Dad and wish him happy birthday! Janmadina subha kankshalu! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD! I LOVE MY DAD!
And these are the 50 reasons why MY dad could beat YOUR dad up. He's pretty much awesome. (I had originally made them in an Excel spreadsheet because my Pops is really good at Excel. So you'll just have to pretend that these are in a spreadsheet so you can get the full effecet.)
But first, here's 50 ways to say happy birthday. Some are other languages and some are just, well, things I came up with. (You'll definitely be able to tell which is which.)
It's Dad's birthday! Veels geluk met jou verjaarsdag vader! Happy birthday Dad! Feliz cumpleanos Padre! My dad's getting older! Aita Zorionak! Gray hair is great! Happy birthday to you! Sretan Rodendan! 5+ for the birthday boy/man!
Van harte gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag! Dad speaks English; happy birthday! L‡ breithe mhaith agat! Birthday felicitations! Ick wuensch da allet Jute zum Jeburtstach! Happy birthday Pops! Inuuinni pilluarit! A pinch to grow an inch! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Celebrate You!
Birthday. Happy. Joyeux Anniversaire! Hau`oli Lā Hānau! Daudz laimes dzimsanas diena! We like Dad's birthday! Grattis pŒ fšdelsedagen! Dogum gunun kutlu olsun! Make a birthday sale! Many happy returns of the day! Let him eat cake!
appyhay irthdaybay! A Freilekhn Gebortstog! Hppy Brthdy! Bonne Fete! My dad's birthday is better than your dad's birthday! Felichan Naskightagon! 5+ for anyone whose birthday is today! Vsechno nejlepsi! Tracy Lesan would say Vsetko najlepsie k narodeninam!
Picaw-picaw! (that's chicken for happy birthday...) Maligayang Bati Sa Iyong Kaarawan! No working on your birthday, make Mom do it all!! Vse najboljse za rojstni dan! Three cheers for Dad; if we didn't have him we wouldn't have us! Mi fresteri ju! All cats adore Dad and wish him happy birthday! Janmadina subha kankshalu! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD! I LOVE MY DAD!
And these are the 50 reasons why MY dad could beat YOUR dad up. He's pretty much awesome. (I had originally made them in an Excel spreadsheet because my Pops is really good at Excel. So you'll just have to pretend that these are in a spreadsheet so you can get the full effecet.)
- My Pops is great because he has cows.
- My Pops is great because he is on the missions committee.
- My Pops is great because he loves my mom.
- My Pops is great because he is the best realtor in
- My Pops is great because he helped me get down the aisle at my wedding without tripping!
- My Pops is great because he likes Snickers, Almond Joy and Pepsi and now I do too.
- My Pops is great because he is the birthday boy.
- My Pops is great because he likes to go to the Boundary Waters and he lets girls go along too.
- My Pops is great because he lets me drive his old timey tractors, sometimes even at Old Threshers.
- My Pops is great because he needs help fixing his cow sprayer.
- My Pops is great because he knows a million Excel formulas.
- My Pops is great because he used to play Gitchu with us, and everyone knows Gitchu is the best game ever when you're a little kid.
- My Pops is great because he taught me how to cut a worm so I could go fishing.
- My Pops is great because he likes to sing.
- My Pops is great because he took my mom to the
- My Pops is great because he has lots of pairs of wicking socks.
- My Pops is great because he used to let me have Pepsis and let me sit at his desk when I'd come visit him at St. Luke’s.
- My Pops is great because he took us tobogganing in the snow.
- My Pops is great because he let me have a horse when I was in high school.
- My Pops is great because he does the weed-whacking so the girls don't have to.
- My Pops is great because he sprayed for wolf spiders for me when I lived in the basement and used to have tons of them.
- My Pops is great because he bought a rocket when he came to
- My Pops is great because he likes lima beans, and he's probably the only person in the entire family who does.
- My Pops is great because he blew himself up when he was in high school in
- My Pops is great because he likes John Deere.
- My Pops is great because he gave me boy advice when I really needed it.
- My Pops is great because he remembers all the old stories about old locations where family members once were, and he tells them to us.
- My Pops is great because he helped me make pinewood derby cars.
- My Pops is great because he has the Frog Face. (You know, from Frog and Toad…)
- My Pops is great because he likes the Wild Wild West and used to bring us home tapes he made for us when he was at work.
- My Pops is great because he has strange children.
- My Pops is great because he hangs out with us and our friends.
- My Pops is great because he always encourages me.
- My Pops is great because he lets me help with the cows.
- My Pops is great because he gives me backrubs. Sometimes.
- My Pops is great because he makes very nice fires in the fireplace on cold evenings!
- My Pops is great because he takes me to Tractor Supply Company and lets me help pick out cow ear tags. (Except I like green but you never buy green.)
- My Pops is great because he tried to teach me how to chance the oil in the 2K, but I can't remember how anymore.
- My Pops is great because he flew me up to
- My Pops is great because he let me be his receptionist.
- My Pops is great because he lets me go fishing with him in the Boundary Waters, even though I talk too much and scare the fish away.
- My Pops is great because he taught me how to canoe properly.
- My Pops is great because he usually forgets how movies end and gets real excited during all the jump scenes.
- My Pops is great because he likes oranges.
- My Pops is great because he gets into mischief.
- My Pops is great because he drives with an earbud and is, subsequently, safer.
- My Pops is great because he has always lived in
- My Pops is great because he knows more about chickens than you do.
- My Pops is great because he gives nice hugs.
- My Pops is great (times infinity!) because…he's the only one!
Happy birthday Daddy!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Joey Screams
Over the past couple of years, I have become a huge chicken. Movies, television shows, radio programs....all of the above have the potential to scare me really bad, especially when creepy music is involved.
For Christmas last year, Joey was given the complete 7 seasons of MacGyver. We're about halfway through the 3rd season, we usually watch a couple episodes a week. Last night's episode was called "Ghost Ship" or some such nonsense.
MacGyver was doing some kind of land survey up in Alaska and, while he was out there, he found a ship anchored in a bay. So of course he checked it out; something definitely was afoot. The creepy music began to play and I buried my face in the back of the couch.
"I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared," I repeated, rather like Joey's 3 year old cousin now that I think about it.
MacGyver found a rowboat with claw marks gashed in it and fixed it up so he could row out to the ship. Once he got to the ship, the music started in again.
(This is the part where it got too scary for me and I went to the kitchen to empty the dishwasher.)
"What's going on?" I asked, hesitantly, from the kitchen.
"He's finding a lot of broken stuff on the ship..." Joey narrated. "Oh, a bloody handprint...and lots of broken glasses. There are open magazines on the table..."
The music got creepier. There were now strange, animal-like howls. Suddenly...
"AAAAAAAUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Joey screamed and jumped about a mile. I glanced over at him, thinking he was making fun of me. He was not; he had legitimately screamed. He had a sort of tense look on his face and he was staring at the computer screen intently.
"What happened?" I asked.
"A big furry arm just flashed across the screen." He was holding a pillow tightly.
"It's good I'm in the kitchen." I said, relieved.
"Yeah, it probably is. I can't believe I screamed." Joey seemed kind of ashamed of himself, but I was secretly proud of him.
And now that I type out the circumstances, it's pretty lame that either one of us were scared in the first place. The furry arm turned out to be a man dressed up in a Sasquatch costume trying to keep people out of the area. Oy, I think I might be rubbing off on poor Joey.
But man, that 80's jump-scene music is pretty creepy...
For Christmas last year, Joey was given the complete 7 seasons of MacGyver. We're about halfway through the 3rd season, we usually watch a couple episodes a week. Last night's episode was called "Ghost Ship" or some such nonsense.
MacGyver was doing some kind of land survey up in Alaska and, while he was out there, he found a ship anchored in a bay. So of course he checked it out; something definitely was afoot. The creepy music began to play and I buried my face in the back of the couch.
"I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared," I repeated, rather like Joey's 3 year old cousin now that I think about it.
MacGyver found a rowboat with claw marks gashed in it and fixed it up so he could row out to the ship. Once he got to the ship, the music started in again.
(This is the part where it got too scary for me and I went to the kitchen to empty the dishwasher.)
"What's going on?" I asked, hesitantly, from the kitchen.
"He's finding a lot of broken stuff on the ship..." Joey narrated. "Oh, a bloody handprint...and lots of broken glasses. There are open magazines on the table..."
The music got creepier. There were now strange, animal-like howls. Suddenly...
"AAAAAAAUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Joey screamed and jumped about a mile. I glanced over at him, thinking he was making fun of me. He was not; he had legitimately screamed. He had a sort of tense look on his face and he was staring at the computer screen intently.
"What happened?" I asked.
"A big furry arm just flashed across the screen." He was holding a pillow tightly.
"It's good I'm in the kitchen." I said, relieved.
"Yeah, it probably is. I can't believe I screamed." Joey seemed kind of ashamed of himself, but I was secretly proud of him.
And now that I type out the circumstances, it's pretty lame that either one of us were scared in the first place. The furry arm turned out to be a man dressed up in a Sasquatch costume trying to keep people out of the area. Oy, I think I might be rubbing off on poor Joey.
But man, that 80's jump-scene music is pretty creepy...
Pull Over, I'm Gonna Hurl!
No, I didn't say that. (But I was feeling like it as I was somewhere into the second mile of my run last night, realizing I hadn't waited long enough after I ate dinner...)
On Monday evening, Joey and I were driving home in rush hour on the freeway. It was a lot slower than usual and, once we hit Mockingbird, traffic stopped altogether. We were in the far lane and we slammed on our brakes to avoid rear-ending the large white truck in front of us. (It really wasn't that dramatic, but come on. It sounds better.)
Suddenly, the large white truck veered over onto the shoulder and pulled up next to the brown minivan it had been behind.
"That's...really weird." I said to Joey.
"No, it was good. He was just trying not to rear-end the van since he stopped so fast."
It hadn't really looked like the white truck had to stop that fast to me, so I was doubtful of this explanation. The white van crept forward a little bit more and we pulled up alongside it. The passenger door began to wiggle. I thought, Wouldn't that be disgusting if the passenger leaned out of the car and--
My worst fears were confirmed. The wiggling passenger door flew fully open and a man leaned out of the car....
...and threw up all over the freeway.
"OHHHHH!!!" I wailed and covered my face with my hands. I hate seeing people throw up. It makes me feel sympathetic and like I'm going to be sick as well. "Is he done yet?" Of course we were still stuck in traffic and sitting right next to the puking man.
"Yeah, he's done." Joey replied. He seemed to have an aura of feeling awesome about him, like he'd just seen something really disgusting but also rare and was really proud.
"That was the sickest thing ever," I moaned and squinted my eyes to check that the coast was truly clear.
"It wasn't very chunky though," Joey said as he (finally!) started accelerating and we drove past the barf man.
"I didn't want to hear that." I pouted.
"Can you imagine? All of a sudden that guy must have been like, 'Pull over, I'm gonna hurl!'"
"I don't want to imagine. So disgusting."
And that was how Joey and I were treated to the sight of a man barfing all over the freeway. It's a sight I hope never to experience again, especially at such close range. And, if you're really looking for the silver lining, we were fortunate enough to be just far enough away that we don't need to take our car to the car wash.
(That's not to imply that our car is actually clean and does not to see the inside of a car wash, regardless of Mr. Barfer on the freeway.)
On Monday evening, Joey and I were driving home in rush hour on the freeway. It was a lot slower than usual and, once we hit Mockingbird, traffic stopped altogether. We were in the far lane and we slammed on our brakes to avoid rear-ending the large white truck in front of us. (It really wasn't that dramatic, but come on. It sounds better.)
Suddenly, the large white truck veered over onto the shoulder and pulled up next to the brown minivan it had been behind.
"That's...really weird." I said to Joey.
"No, it was good. He was just trying not to rear-end the van since he stopped so fast."
It hadn't really looked like the white truck had to stop that fast to me, so I was doubtful of this explanation. The white van crept forward a little bit more and we pulled up alongside it. The passenger door began to wiggle. I thought, Wouldn't that be disgusting if the passenger leaned out of the car and--
My worst fears were confirmed. The wiggling passenger door flew fully open and a man leaned out of the car....
...and threw up all over the freeway.
"OHHHHH!!!" I wailed and covered my face with my hands. I hate seeing people throw up. It makes me feel sympathetic and like I'm going to be sick as well. "Is he done yet?" Of course we were still stuck in traffic and sitting right next to the puking man.
"Yeah, he's done." Joey replied. He seemed to have an aura of feeling awesome about him, like he'd just seen something really disgusting but also rare and was really proud.
"That was the sickest thing ever," I moaned and squinted my eyes to check that the coast was truly clear.
"It wasn't very chunky though," Joey said as he (finally!) started accelerating and we drove past the barf man.
"I didn't want to hear that." I pouted.
"Can you imagine? All of a sudden that guy must have been like, 'Pull over, I'm gonna hurl!'"
"I don't want to imagine. So disgusting."
And that was how Joey and I were treated to the sight of a man barfing all over the freeway. It's a sight I hope never to experience again, especially at such close range. And, if you're really looking for the silver lining, we were fortunate enough to be just far enough away that we don't need to take our car to the car wash.
(That's not to imply that our car is actually clean and does not to see the inside of a car wash, regardless of Mr. Barfer on the freeway.)
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
The Heist
We played Mexican Train last night with some friends. I'd never played it before and found it to be quite an enjoyable game. (For those of you who are thinking "Mexican Train?! What...", it's a game you play with Dominoes.)
Each person had a small train token that, when they ran out of options for their string of dominoes, went on the little roundhouse in the center of all the madness, indicating that that string of dominoes was fair game for other people to play off.
I had the purple glittery train. But I wanted the green glittery train and Kevin had the green train. I was jealous.
Kevin, aside from being the green glittery train hog, is from Iowa and likes The Red Green Show. So in reality he's probably an OK kind of guy. But...he had the green glittery train. And I wanted it.
So, at the end of the first round when everyone was mixing up the dominoes, I leaned across the table and snatched that green glittery train. In its place I set the glittery purple train and set the green glittery train on my lap under the table.
Now that I had successfully stolen the green train, I wasn't sure how to execute my next move. I obviously couldn't use the green train as my game token, because if I did Kevin would realize who had stolen it and then make me give it back. I didn't want to give it back. So I sat there holding on to the green train waiting for Kevin to notice it was gone.
It didn't take long.
"Where's my green train?" He asked and began searching all over the table, the floor, the counters behind him...
I sort of felt guilty for stealing the green train, so I set it on the table behind my water bottle. Audra noticed it, giggled, and grabbed the train and hid it in her lap for a little while.
Kevin continued to look for his train. He was unsuccessful.
Andra slipped the green glittery train back to me while Kevin wasn't looking. Somehow I had to figure out a very awesome and hilarious way to get the train back without Kevin realizing who had taken it. I began to think.
I thought, and thought and thought. I thought some more.
I finally decided that the ideal way to give the train back but also make Kevin think he was going crazy would be to put the train piece back on the roundhouse in the middle of the game. You know, like it had been there the whole time.
So, as I drew my dominoes, I reached across the table with my right hand to grab a few dominoes. With my left hand, I sneakily replaced the train on the roundhouse. Audra and I shared a smile and sat there to wait for Kevin to notice his train. It really didn't take too long.
"HEY! My train!" He yelled as he suddenly saw his green glittery train sitting right in front of him.
He instantly began blaming everyone at the table...except for me. Oh, and his girlfriend. (Who is also a fan of the Red Green show and, subsequently, an OK sort of person.) The blame generally centered around Audra and her husband, Austin who, in all honesty, did seem like the perfect candidates for a train robbery.
Throughout the remainder of the game I made several pointed "what kind of a person loses their train" comments, but he still never caught on. So maybe I should make my living as a robber or something, because I must not look like the kind of girl who goes around stealing things.
I was pretty proud of myself. It was the perfect heist.
Each person had a small train token that, when they ran out of options for their string of dominoes, went on the little roundhouse in the center of all the madness, indicating that that string of dominoes was fair game for other people to play off.
I had the purple glittery train. But I wanted the green glittery train and Kevin had the green train. I was jealous.
Kevin, aside from being the green glittery train hog, is from Iowa and likes The Red Green Show. So in reality he's probably an OK kind of guy. But...he had the green glittery train. And I wanted it.
So, at the end of the first round when everyone was mixing up the dominoes, I leaned across the table and snatched that green glittery train. In its place I set the glittery purple train and set the green glittery train on my lap under the table.
Now that I had successfully stolen the green train, I wasn't sure how to execute my next move. I obviously couldn't use the green train as my game token, because if I did Kevin would realize who had stolen it and then make me give it back. I didn't want to give it back. So I sat there holding on to the green train waiting for Kevin to notice it was gone.
It didn't take long.
"Where's my green train?" He asked and began searching all over the table, the floor, the counters behind him...
I sort of felt guilty for stealing the green train, so I set it on the table behind my water bottle. Audra noticed it, giggled, and grabbed the train and hid it in her lap for a little while.
Kevin continued to look for his train. He was unsuccessful.
Andra slipped the green glittery train back to me while Kevin wasn't looking. Somehow I had to figure out a very awesome and hilarious way to get the train back without Kevin realizing who had taken it. I began to think.
I thought, and thought and thought. I thought some more.
I finally decided that the ideal way to give the train back but also make Kevin think he was going crazy would be to put the train piece back on the roundhouse in the middle of the game. You know, like it had been there the whole time.
So, as I drew my dominoes, I reached across the table with my right hand to grab a few dominoes. With my left hand, I sneakily replaced the train on the roundhouse. Audra and I shared a smile and sat there to wait for Kevin to notice his train. It really didn't take too long.
"HEY! My train!" He yelled as he suddenly saw his green glittery train sitting right in front of him.
He instantly began blaming everyone at the table...except for me. Oh, and his girlfriend. (Who is also a fan of the Red Green show and, subsequently, an OK sort of person.) The blame generally centered around Audra and her husband, Austin who, in all honesty, did seem like the perfect candidates for a train robbery.
Throughout the remainder of the game I made several pointed "what kind of a person loses their train" comments, but he still never caught on. So maybe I should make my living as a robber or something, because I must not look like the kind of girl who goes around stealing things.
I was pretty proud of myself. It was the perfect heist.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Loser
Joey and I are seriously immature. We call each other losers all the time, and yesterday was no exception.
"You," I said smugly to Joey as we drove by an empty Christmas tree lot, "Are a loser."
Joey smirked at me.
"I am not." He said, then paused. "You are a loser. Your maiden name is Laird and, frankly, Laird sounds a lot closer to 'loser' than Woestman does, and I'm a Woestman. So that means that you're the loser."
I wilted and made a sort of pathetic/defeated squeaking sound. "Nuts."
Joey grinned proudly to himself and kept driving.
"You," I said smugly to Joey as we drove by an empty Christmas tree lot, "Are a loser."
Joey smirked at me.
"I am not." He said, then paused. "You are a loser. Your maiden name is Laird and, frankly, Laird sounds a lot closer to 'loser' than Woestman does, and I'm a Woestman. So that means that you're the loser."
I wilted and made a sort of pathetic/defeated squeaking sound. "Nuts."
Joey grinned proudly to himself and kept driving.
Friday, November 16, 2007
I GOT IN THE DTS FOUNTAIN!!!
So ever since we visited here a year ago when we walk by the fountain at DTS I ask Joey, "Can I get in it?" He always says no.
Until tonight.
It was dark, Security was off somewhere else and, when I asked if I could get in the fountain he actually said YES!! So I ripped off my shoes and socks, rolled my pants up as far as I could possibly get them, and jumped into the fountain.
It was freezing cold. And a lot deeper than I'd been planning.
"Joey...my jeans are getting really wet," I said as I stood on my tiptoes trying to keep the fold (which was right at my knees) out of the water. He finished taking pictures and I sloshed out of the fountain.
My calves were white with cold and the fold of my jeans was dripping with water, but I was about as proud of myself as I've been in a long time.
"I got in the fountain!" I crowed and skipped alongside Joey, linking arms with him and swinging the shoes I was holding with my left hand.
"Yes, you got in the fountain," Joey said with a grin.
I think he's secretly proud of me.
Until tonight.
It was dark, Security was off somewhere else and, when I asked if I could get in the fountain he actually said YES!! So I ripped off my shoes and socks, rolled my pants up as far as I could possibly get them, and jumped into the fountain.
It was freezing cold. And a lot deeper than I'd been planning.
"Joey...my jeans are getting really wet," I said as I stood on my tiptoes trying to keep the fold (which was right at my knees) out of the water. He finished taking pictures and I sloshed out of the fountain.My calves were white with cold and the fold of my jeans was dripping with water, but I was about as proud of myself as I've been in a long time.
"I got in the fountain!" I crowed and skipped alongside Joey, linking arms with him and swinging the shoes I was holding with my left hand.
"Yes, you got in the fountain," Joey said with a grin.
I think he's secretly proud of me.
Light The Christmas Tree!
Tonight at 7:00 p.m. they lit the tree outside the downtown Neiman Marcus store. Joey and I were there to witness the madness.
The "tree" was actually not a tree at all, but a bunch of aluminum can looking things stacked on top of each other in a treeish shape. There were some ornaments hanging from the "branches", but as far as trees go, I'd give it a -2. This is why you do not see a picture of the actual Neiman Marcus tree here, just a picture of the outside of the store.
The Cowboy Band marched down the street from Neiman's to Pegasus Plaza where another, taller, more Christmassy Christmas tree was lit 30 minutes after the Neiman Marcus tinfoil tree.
I found the Chase dog.
Ho Ho Ho backwards says Oh Oh Oh...
I'm standing in the middle of the road...and I'm really really tiny, but I'm really there right in the middle. Joey made me do it. There were a couple of cops standing next to me but when they saw that Joey was taking a picture they skeedadled out of the way.
I love Joey! Aren't we so cuuuuute?
There were about a million people downtown. Actually, no, not a million. Not even close. But if you stood in the right place at the right time it kind of felt like a million.
Joey found this huge boom and he wanted me to take a picture of how amazing it was. I'm not sure I captured its true...majesty. But it's still cool, honey.
Joey said, "Hey, Jenna!" I turned and looked at him...and he snapped this picture.
After we got tired of being downtown, we went over to DTS to watch The Office. But first we ran around campus and took pictures. Most of them turned out kind of dark and hard to see, but Joey was feeling kind of artsy when he took this particular one.
Too bad it's sideways.
We're outside the library. I was trying to make it look like I was actually IN the bush... Joey told me that if I climbed in the bush I'd get in trouble. I asked him if I could get in one of the bushes if it was a scrawny bush and he just laughed at me.
Pretty much Friday nights being married are a million times better than any Friday night when I was single. Doing just about anything with Joey is more fun than most people have in an entire month.
It's been a good Friday.
The "tree" was actually not a tree at all, but a bunch of aluminum can looking things stacked on top of each other in a treeish shape. There were some ornaments hanging from the "branches", but as far as trees go, I'd give it a -2. This is why you do not see a picture of the actual Neiman Marcus tree here, just a picture of the outside of the store.
The Cowboy Band marched down the street from Neiman's to Pegasus Plaza where another, taller, more Christmassy Christmas tree was lit 30 minutes after the Neiman Marcus tinfoil tree.
I found the Chase dog.
Ho Ho Ho backwards says Oh Oh Oh...
I'm standing in the middle of the road...and I'm really really tiny, but I'm really there right in the middle. Joey made me do it. There were a couple of cops standing next to me but when they saw that Joey was taking a picture they skeedadled out of the way.
I love Joey! Aren't we so cuuuuute?
There were about a million people downtown. Actually, no, not a million. Not even close. But if you stood in the right place at the right time it kind of felt like a million.
Joey found this huge boom and he wanted me to take a picture of how amazing it was. I'm not sure I captured its true...majesty. But it's still cool, honey.
Joey said, "Hey, Jenna!" I turned and looked at him...and he snapped this picture.After we got tired of being downtown, we went over to DTS to watch The Office. But first we ran around campus and took pictures. Most of them turned out kind of dark and hard to see, but Joey was feeling kind of artsy when he took this particular one.
Too bad it's sideways.
We're outside the library. I was trying to make it look like I was actually IN the bush... Joey told me that if I climbed in the bush I'd get in trouble. I asked him if I could get in one of the bushes if it was a scrawny bush and he just laughed at me.Pretty much Friday nights being married are a million times better than any Friday night when I was single. Doing just about anything with Joey is more fun than most people have in an entire month.
It's been a good Friday.
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