Myrtle N. Girdle

Because the ideal of every American woman is to be svelte and curveless, I decided to buy one of those shaper things from Target to try to make up for what I was lacking in the stick department.

I decided to give it a try today.

First of all, it was extremely warm. I kept feeling sick and hot from all the extra layers around my middle and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate.

Second of all, it was giving me a stomachache.  I suppose this makes sense since the thing was squashing me together around my middle, but I was still feeling like I was about to be sick.

Thirdly, my lower back was killing me.

So I decided to ask my sister for advice.

Jenna:

so I'm wearing this girdle-type thing today to constrict my fluff and I think it's hurting my back

AshleyNicole: lol. poor sister

Jenna: i'm DYING

first of all I'm real warm from my tights and boots plus this girdle type thingy, and now my back is just throbbing

AshleyNicole: maybe you should take it off

Jenna: but I can't.  it's huge...where would I put it

AshleyNicole: under your desk

Jenna: now there's an idea.

"Jenna, what's that large, painful looking white thing under your desk?"

"Oh, that's just my girdle"

AshleyNicole: lol

Jenna: it's like extremely ugly bike shorts with a hardish type extender that goes halfway up my torso. real terrible stuff.  what's that girls "name" in Anne of Avonlea?

Myrtle N. Girdle?

AshleyNicole: lol; yeah

Jenna: I can't do it, I'm going to barf

I found a box so I'm going to put the girdle in the box

AshleyNicole: good

And that is why I have a box under my desk that I will absolutely die if anyone opens.