The Country Bumpkin

Since moving from Iowa three weeks ago, I have felt more like a country bumpkin than I ever have in my entire life. Put together.

Today was my First Day. (Since this is a pseudo-anonymous blog, I have to call it that. Or Grandpa gets mad and calls me and tells me I'll get arrested and/or fired.)

These are the things I did that made my Country Bumpkin status stick out:

1. I used my mostly empty water bottle to mix up my Emergen-C (I've had a cold since Saturday, when we moved in the rain) and when I went to chug it, there was too much suction and I caved in the water bottle (REALLY LOUDLY) in a quiet, sophisticated setting.

2. Since it's "snowy" and "icy" here, I made far too many comments about the road conditions. I'd look out the window down to the freeway and say something inane like, "Gosh, they're barely moving down there", and absolutely nobody would know what I was talking about.

Then I'd qualify it by mumbling, "Road conditions..." and then feel like some kind of farming nerd who is concerned about the roads.

3. In the bathroom there is a carafe full of mouthwash, and some little cups next to it. (Just like in fancy restaurants!) I was quite enamored by this, so I poured myself a little cup and swished.

Unfortunately, I poured WAY TOO MUCH so my mouth was super full and I looked like a chipmunk. Additionally, the mouthwash had a really strong antiseptic odor and so I felt like a walking hospital for about an hour.

4. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, mentioned several times that since I was from Iowa, this little bit of ice and snow was probably nothing. I sort of had to agree with them.

To make matters worse, when walking outside (for about 20 seconds) I walked too fast and wound up leaving everyone in the dust. They were picking their way across the "icy" bricks, trying not to slip. I felt like it looked like I was showing off in some way because I knew how to walk on ice. (Beat that?)

5. Then, when I was in the bathroom later (sorry if this is TMI for some of you), I noticed that there was a little switch by the door. Since I could think of only one thing to do, I pushed the switch.

The lights went out.

Now, the bathrooms in this place are European style, so they're each little closets with floor to ceiling doors.

It was VERY DARK in there.

I found the switch again (why one needs a lightswitch in a WC is beyond me).

6. This morning when I tried to park, my tag wouldn't work and I had to back up two times and try again. The lady at the parking gate was super annoyed with me, and I almost backed into a Mercedes-Benz and some huge SUV.

I am hoping my tags work tomorrow.

And so, gentle readers, this is why I believe that I am probably a country bumpkin. Maybe I'll grow out of it, maybe I won't. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see!