Grounded From The Kid

Last night on the way home from youth group I decided I needed to call The Kid to get him to tell Joey to buy me some marshmallows. I left him a voicemail that sounded something like this:

"The Kid. Call Joey and tell him him to buy me some marshies so I can roast them over the fire I want him to make us this evening. He probably won't get any if I ask him for them, so I need you to tell him to do it. OKFINE. Bye."

Joey pulled into Target anyway and we purchased one bag each of big and little marshies (2 bags of the Target brand were the same price as 1 bag of Kraft) and a pumpkin carving kit for Saturday. As we drove out of the parking lot, my phone rang.

"It's The Kid!" I crowed.

Joey snatched it out of my hand. "Give me that!" He said, then flipped the phone open and said to the Kid, "The Kid, you are not allowed to talk to Jenna again until your birthday. She can't call you, email you, IM you, or figure out any other way to contact you between now and then. She is grounded."

"What?!" I wailed. "But....The Kid! I need....The Kid!"

"She obviously needs help on this codependency thing. So you get 9 days off from talking to her," Joey said to The Kid. He sounded rather triumphant.

"Noooooo!" I moaned. "How can I make major life decisions about whether or not to get cookies or soda!"

I heard some muffled noises coming from my phone. I couldn't discern what The Kid was saying, but whatever it was probably wasn't good.

"You're welcome, The Kid. It's my birthday present to you." Joey said into the phone. Then he hung up.

"You can't talk to The Kid until you get to Indiana. He said it was the best birthday present I'd ever given him." Joey said with an evil grin on his face.

I squeezed the bag of marshmallows for comfort. I continued pouting.

"Here's what you have to do. You have to write down every time you want to talk to The Kid between now and November 2 and then give the entire packet to him. I think that'll probably be seriously annoying," Joey pulled the car into the parking lot and we got out.

"But...The Kid..." I said, forlornly.

"You'll be OK. You are obviously addicted to The Kid."

He has a point.

For the next 10 minutes I wandered around the house pathetically asking deep, important questions to no one. Questions like,

"The Kid, how are you doing?"

"The Kid, can I get a Pepsi?"

"The Kid, can I get a cookie?"

"The Kid, is Ernie cooler than me?"

And suchlike.

Joey just laughed his wicked little laugh at me as he started the fire in our fireplace.

Being grounded from The Kid is so shocking! I was totally not expecting it, and I didn't even do anything bad to deserve such a thing! Hmm, I wonder what I can ground Joey from... His lappy? MacGyver? Sleeping? Mt. Dew?

I think sleeping.

Joey, you are grounded from sleeping until November 2, 2007. So go stock up on the No Doze.