Dermatology

I went to the dermatologist yesterday because I'm tired of getting zits.  (Any woman who has been married for over 2 years and is very nearly 25 does not need zits any longer, in my opinion.)

After answering the same questions two times, such as "are you pregnant" or "are you on any medications" (The answer is NO to both of those, FYI...) the dermatologist said, "Well, I think I can solve your problem."

And she prescribed me FOUR medications.  Four.  (Now I have to remember what they're called so when I go to the doctor I can appropriately answer that "are you on any medications" question.  It's not easy to do, some of the names hardly have any vowels in them.)

So then I said, "I have these two moles that keep getting bigger..."

And she whipped out her little mole-measuring stick and said, "Where are they?"

One is in between my big to and my first toe on my right foot.  The other's on my leg.  I showed her the one on my toe.

"Wow...How am I going to biopsy that?!"  She asked to herself.

I almost told her it really wasn't necessary to do that; I don't like pain.

She measured it.  "How much has it grown?" 

I told her it came in the middle of college and has in the last year gotten as big as it has.

She made a hmmmmmmming sound.  "I think I want to take that off."

I looked back and forth from the nurse to the doctor.  "Must you?"

"Well...it's not cancer, but it's the kind that means you're susceptible to skin cancer - wear your sunscreen! - and there are some tissue abnormalities...." (she rambled off into some sort of doctor speak that I can't understand.)

I looked at my mole.  I looked at the doctor.  I looked at the nurse.

"IF you take it off it has to be in the winter," I said.  "I want to wear flip flops."

The doctor and the nurse burst out laughing and Dr. Meduri said she could accommodate me. She scribbled some things on her chart, then looked up at her nurse and said, "We'll want to draw some blood."

They spoke in low, conspiratorial tones for a few minutes.  I sat there in an uncomfortable silence until I couldn't take it anymore.

"From me?!"  I sort of wailed.

The doctor and nurse laughed at me again.  "Yes, from you."  Dr. Meduri assured me.

"But why?!"  I wailed again.  "If I'd have known you were going to take my blood I'd have stayed home today."  

And....the doctor and nurse laughed.  Again. (I'm not sure they knew what to do with me."

I was not under the impression that dermatologists drew blood.  I guess mine does.  At any rate it's to make sure I won't die from one of the medicines they put me on.  Something about potassium levels.  She always checks to make sure the levels aren't too high before prescribing the medication.

The doctor assured me I'd be just fine, I thanked her (grudgingly) and she left.  The nurse escorted me to the place where I payed and then gave me instructions to get to the blood-sucking station.  It was on the third floor.

"So...since I'm going by myself and nobody's watching me you won't know if I just skip it and run away, right?"

The nurse laughed.  "No, we'll be able to tell."  She pointed me in the direction I was to go.

And so I went upstairs and got my blood drawn (OW!) like a good little girl.

Later that night I was washing my face with my new sulfur face wash. (It stinks; smells exactly like Yellowstone National Park on my face.  Not pretty.)  I sat back down on the couch with Joey and a few moments later he sniffed the air.  He sniffed again.

"What is that smell?"  He asked, rather impolitely.

I didn't answer.

"Is it you?!"  He asked again.

I still didn't answer.

"It's your face!"  He crowed.  "Your face smells awful!"

Well...it did.

I leaned forward and tried to stick my cheek right under his nose so he could fully appreciate the awful smell of my Yellowstone face.  He started wailing and pushing me away.

"That's a terrible smell!  How long are you going to have to use that stuff?"  He had his face buried in the blanket Sister had made me.

"For quite some time.  Now get used to it."  I said, and tried to attack him with my smelly face again. 

The things women do for beauty...