The Reason Why The Kid Is Dead Until Further Notice

On Saturday, I received a text message. It came from The Kid's phone, but I could tell by style that it was most definitely not from The Kid.

And so I replied with a, "Where are you and what have you done with The Kid?"

And it was then that I learned that The Kid had been kidnapped and was being held hostage in exchange for 6-12 Pepsi's. I was to deliver said Pepsi's behind Mom and Dad's house at, like 1:00 a.m. on Saturday.

I looked at Joey. I looked at my phone. I texted "I do not negotiate with terrorists."

I received a text back saying that The Kid was dead until further notice. Because of my obstinacy. He's being held by some really major terrorists, it seems.

Just call his voicemail if you're wondering. He's totally dead I guess. Or until further notice. I haven't seen him in a couple months anyway, so who really knows.

Anyway, that's why The Kid is dead until further notice. Hopefully he'll resurrect in time to graduate on Saturday, but there's no telling what those terrorists will do with him.