"Deplorable Conditions"

As I was getting on the elevator this morning, a gentleman walked up carrying a very large live animal trap.  I was so curious that I could not keep my eyes off it, particularly because the only thing I've ever seen Pops try to trap on those are raccoons.  I couldn't imagine that we had a rampant raccoon overpopulation in downtown Dallas, much less my high rise.

The man noticed me looking, rather quizzically, at his live animal trap.  There was a can of moist cat food in the back that had separated and was oozing with oil.  There was also a piece of paper taped to the top of it, but I wasn't close enough to see the words.

The elevator opened and we all got on.  I angled myself close to the live animal trap so I could read what it said.

"This here's to try to catch a cat."  He said, with fervor.

"Wow, a cat?"  I said, skimming the notice.  It read something like this:

Please do not touch this trap!  It is a humane method of catching a cat living in deplorable conditions.  
Once the cat is caught in the trap, it will be rehabilitated and introduced a more comfortable and stable life.
Thank you.

Oh my gosh.

"Yeah, know where that smoking area is downstairs?"  The man asked, assuming I was having heart palpitations of sorrow for this poor cat.

"Um, no."  I said.

"Oh, well, it's down by..." he explained it to me, "And there was this cat living in a wall down there."

How does one even respond to that?!  The pooooooor cat.  I was tempted to tell him about the "deplorable conditions" in my parents' barn.  Sometimes the cats there even tear the ceiling out and go up in there.  We should probably set live animal traps for them and rehabilitate them, too.  (Oh, and sometimes The Kid forgets to feed them, but they eat mice then.)

I had been silent for too long and knew and some kind of response was required. I went the most neutral option. "Oh, wow."  (Not very creative, I know.)

"Didn't catch the cat, though," Mr. Cat Rescuer said.

The cage was obviously empty and that nasty cat food hadn't even been touched, so I had already gathered that.

"That's, um, too bad."  I said, with the appropriate amount remorse.

Obviously the cat liked its "deplorable conditions" and didn't want to leave them.  And he must not have been as hungry as whoever set that trap thought he was.  Additionally, movie stars get rehabilitated.  Not cats.  Cats are never rehabilitated, they are eliminated if they get to be a problem, nuisance, or otherwise inconvenience. 

One never rehabilitates a cat.  Oh my word.