Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Last night I took Joey out for a $5 date. We were originally going to go to Gelaterie Stam (downtown) but thought better of it since it was getting late. Instead we went to Marble Slab and split a very yummy dip of ice cream.

I thought it was particularly yummy because even though I was taking Joey out for ice cream, he ordered what I would have gotten. (Since we were splitting.) Oh well.

We got our water glasses and sat down at a table inside. Originally we'd planned to sit outside with Henry, but the tables were gone so we left Henry in the car to destroy the leaf I'd gotten for him. (The leaf was quite decimated when we got back in the car, by the way.)

Joey, kindly, scooted a seat over so that I could "watch the people", as he knows I like to do. (There's something homey and comforting about sitting down with your husband, lazily eating ice cream and watching other people live. It's just downright domestic.) We both had been watching this loud, jovial couple come in and order their ice cream.

There were only two free tables in the shop and they were on either side of us. The couple sat down and began eating their ice cream.

I made several comments about the fact that the guy two tables away had way, way tighter jeans than I'd ever feel comfortable wearing. And the guy's girlfriend didn't seem to mind. This struck me as disturbing and odd, and I told Joey so. He agreed with me.

At the other table sat a lady I'm acquainted with, and she was very obviously on a date as well. I was enjoying watching her and her date when I heard something very shocking come from the table behind me.

The jovial couple.

Mind you that the guy in that relationship was not 5 inches away from me, and very unfortunately my back was to them. I'd been so distracted watching the other couple that my ears perked up halfway through the girl's first sentence.

Girl (loudly): ...Going out for about six months now.
Guy: Yeah
Girl: And I'm just not sure this is going to work.

Me: Joey, is she breaking up with him?!
Joey: It kind of sounds like it...
Me: She's talking loudly enough that everyone in the shop can hear her!
Joey: I know, poor guy.

Girl: It's, like, we're busy all the time. The only time we ever see each other is on weekends.
Guy: Yeah, I know
It bears note to insert here that she probably just wanted to date another guy. This is the worst break-up excuse in the book.
Girl: I don't want us to not be friends anymore though, becuase I think you're so cool.
Guy: Yeah, true.
Girl: One time I broke up with this other guy and we were just never friends again. He...

Me and Joey, simultaneously: Is she talking about an ex-boyfriend to this guy she's breaking up with?!
Joey: Yeah...I think so. I feel kind of bad listening to this. Poor guy, he just paid for her ice cream and everything!
Me: She needs break-up lessons.
We both dissolved into giggles. (Joey's were very manly, though.)

Girl: So, I just want to make sure that we'll still be friends.
Guy: Yeah, we will.
Girl: Well, thanks for understanding...
Guy: Yeah, no problem.

Joey and I got up to leave once we figured the drama was over. The now ex-couple was sitting there when we left. The girl/woman was gesticulating wildly and Joey said, "Is she still talking? Poor guy..." We noticed as we drove away that they were Drake students, so they had a long, uncomfortable drive home afterwards.

Honestly, girls, breaking up is hard enough without doing it in a small, echoey location like Marble Slab. (Especially when your voice projects like a megaphone.) Go to a park, walk around the mall, meet him at The Stick, go over to his house, whatever, but do something free and something private. That poor, poor humiliated guy.