True Confessions

1. When I was 3, I stole a peanut off the floor in the grocery store and put it in my mouth. Mom caught me and made me put it on the conveyor belt (all chewed up and slimy) and pay for it.

2. When I was 4, I was dared by one neighbor girl (Carrie) to tell the other neighbor girl (Nicky) that she was fat. I did. Nicky ran home crying to tell her mom, who came over to yell at my mom. I hid in between the back screen door and the door (I was a really little kid) until Nicky's mom left. I don't remember how much trouble I got in.

3. When I was 5 we moved to another town and were visiting churches. I decided I didn't like my name after my mom and dad dropped me off at Sunday School, so I introduced myself as Heidi, for some reason. The morning went great until my parents came to pick me up and said, "Jenna, time to go..." I was so embarassed.

4. When I was 6 I was at my friend's house, and we went for a walk. Her mom told me not to run ahead, but I did. Far, far ahead. I had to sit in a time-out until my mom came to get me.

5. When I was 7 we had been reading Old Testament stories and one had been about stoning (I think, specifically, it was Achan). I was really curious about it; I couldn't figure out what it would be like. So, one afternoon, I saw a really fat toad hopping across our driveway, and I got an idea. I picked up the biggest rock I could find...and started throwing it at the poor toad. Since my aim has never been very good, I gave up after 5 minutes. I felt sick to my stomach and awfully sorry for the poor toad. I never told my mother until just a few years ago. (And I've never tried to stone anything since.)

6. When I was 8 or 9, I got mad at my friend and threw her purse in the snow. Immediately I knew I was wrong and felt guilty and bad, but she wouldn't talk to me or let me apologize. I called her as soon as I got home to try again, but her mom hung up on me. Can you believe that?

7. When I was 10 or 11 and at my Grandpa and Grandma's house, I'd say, "Um, I need to go to get some Q-tips from your bathroom, Grandma". Yes, I'd get my Q-tips, but I'd also try on all her lipsticks while I was there. This continued for several years; past, even, when I was allowed to finally wear make-up.. My grandma always had cool lipsticks. (I even bought one after trying hers.) As far as I know, nobody noticed I did this because I always wiped it off really well before I came back down to the family room.

8. When I was a freshman in high school, I was not allowed to go on dates. I accepted a homecoming date with a boy from my class, and my mom found out right before we left to drop me off. She let me go...but she made me pay the boy back. AT the bowling alley. Mortification. My mom and dad sure knew how to nail me.

9. When I was a junior in high school on Friday nights my parents set the timer to 10:30 p.m. and went to bed. It would go off if I wasn't home by 10:30 to turn it off. Well, I got home before 10:30, turned it off, and took my friend out to the barn to look at the cows. I only 'fessed up to this one a couple weeks ago; Mom never knew.

10. When I was either a senior in high school or going to Iowa State and home for Thanksgiving, I was out in the barn working one evening. Paws (our dumb dog) had caught a mole and was smacking it repeatedly into the ground. Mom rang the dinner bell, so I put Paws away, grabbed the mole and stuck it in a bucket of water. Dad really, really hated moles and I couldn't allow the poor thing to go free to wreck more of Dad's grass. Poor mole.

11. When I was going to Faith, I didn't delete "Baby Got Back" from my computer for at least a year, if not two years. And I even listened to it in my dorm room. (With headphones on of course.)

12. When I went to Faith, I'd put lounge pants under my skirts in the winter, and in the summer once or twice I didn't wear stockings. But I never got caught.

13. A couple months ago I was making popcorn for Joey and he said to do it for 2 minutes and 12 seconds. I did it for 2 minutes and 20 seconds and burnt the popcorn. Joey was not happy (but I was since I like it burnt), and fortunate for me, he forgave me.

14. Last Saturday, at Living History Farms, I found a huge white mushroom and poked and busted it up with a stick. (There were no signs saying don't disturb the flora and fauna, but I probably would have gotten in trouble if I'd gotten caught.) The mushroom was really fun to break, though, it was the size of a volleyball and foamy and squishy...