I Am Deformed

So back in college I used to lift weights.  (Nobody laugh.)  I had a Very Unfortunate Accident one evening as I was doing calf-raises with 160 lbs standing on the riser in the weight room at school.

A wooden riser on sweaty rubber mats isn't exactly the safest thing in the world, but I was using the weights on the "spotter", so I figured I was safe.

That is, until the riser slipped out from under me, I lost my balance and the 160 lb barbell and I went crashing to the ground.

I gave myself a very nice whiplash on the bar, naturally.  (And have not really lifted weights since.)

Turns out this little weightlifting accident has caused me permanent neck trauma.  I went to the chiro for something yesterday and happened to mention my neck hurts a lot so he snapped an X-ray of it.

When I came in today he slapped the X-ray of my neck on the glass and said, "What did you DO?!"

Apparently my neck doesn't have any curve at all anymore and is very nearly in Phase 2 (out of 4) of degeneration. I'm getting calcium deposits too, which are becoming bone spurs, and I find this curious since I barely drink any milk.

Suffice it to say, I will be going to the chiropractor a zillion times in the next four months, starting physical therapy and getting shocked by this electrical TENS thing (which totally gives me the jibblies)....all because I slipped when I was lifting weights in college.

The moral of the story is:  Don't exercise.  You might hurt yourself.  Sit on the couch and eat potato chips.