Dear Joey,

It has recently come to my attention that my parents have acquired a possum.

As you recall, from the very earliest moments of our marriage I have been requesting animals some of which are, but in no way limited to:
~pandas (bamboo garden included)
~squirrel
~possum
~cow
~meerkat
~racoon
~Shih-tzu
~sheep
~koala
~Texas Longhorn (thanks to your parents for that one, though!)
~llama

Thus far you have only succeeded in getting me a Shih-tzu.

I do realize that it is highly illegal to procure some of these animals, and so I have a bit of grace in those instances.

HOWEVER.

There's nothing illegal about a possum and if my parents can have one, I totally want one too. I'm sure that Pops or The Kid could answer all your questions regarding trapping one (particularly when it's in a garage), and they may even consider bringing it down with them next week when they come.

I can think of fewer things in life that would "set me up forever" (to quote Mrs. Bennet) than having a possum. Particularly since I could poke it with a stick whenever I wanted.

Please look into this matter and resolve it as soon as possible.

Very truly yours,

Your wife