Reflections on Being a Bird-Mom Who, Upon Discovering One of Her "Children" Wasn't Fitting In, Returned Said Bird To The Store. For a Full Refund.

Our birds-children had been asking for a sibling. Or so we thought. We said, "If you want a sibling, chirp once. If you don't want one, chirp twice." Chirp, the birdies would say. Just one chirp.

So two Fridays ago Joey and I headed to Petsmart with a singular purpose--to find the perfect sibling for our babies.

After 20 arduous minutes, we finally selected a green birdy with a blue tail and yellow head. He was perky and pesky in the cage, and he seemed to be a swinging bird. He was constantly on the swing in the store cage. New Bird was clipped, boxed and wrapped in Joey's coat. We headed home to introduce him to our other two children.

We named him Wickham, wanting to carry on the theme of Pride and Prejudice with our birdies. It was an ill-fated name. Perhaps if we'd have picked something like Mr. Bennet things would have turned out differently.

Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley/Whitebird positively detested Wickham from the moment he first entered the apartment. Wickham was so terrified of our other two children that he refused to leave my finger when I tried to put him in the cage.

Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley/Whitebird froze. Wickham froze. Finally, the other two ventured over to the newcomer and cheed at him. Then they pecked at him. I wailed. Joey said, "He'll be OK, let's give him time."

After a week of three silent, stock-still birds, we decided we couldn't take it any longer. We knew we had to do it.

"Well," Joey said, "I think we'd better take him back." He got me the receipt and the guarantee and we decided I'd do it in the morning.

And so that's how I became a "return the kid if it doesn't work out" bird-mom. I'm a terrible person. I can't hardly live with myself. Maybe I need counseling.

At any rate, the other birds are super happy now. They hated Wickham.