Weird Stuff I've Heard Lately As A Telemarketer

1.) "Ilene left in the car and Martha is at work." I called asking for Ilene and the guy, very seriously, replied with that statement. I wasn't sure if he was insinuating that Ilene had died while she was in the car, or if she really did just leave in the car. (She hadn't died.)

2.) "I got a new Social Security Number. The one I verified with you is wrong, I was just trying to trick you." Yeah, right. You don't just get a new Social Security Number. The guy was lying and it was so, so hard to not be all sassy to him. If you're going to lie to a telemarketer, don't lie about getting a new Social. They'll be on to you like white on rice.

3.) I said to the loan officer, "This guy wants the $20,000 to substitute his payroll for his business." And the loan officer actually laughed. (Loan officers don't usually laugh, no matter how ridiculous the customer's request sounds.)

4.) "Yeah, it doesn't have many miles at all, just 120,000." Said a customer to me, regarding his 4 year old truck. He was serious. (How do you put 120,000 miles on a truck in four years?!)

5.) My loan officer said regarding credit scores, "Oh, a 550 isn't bad at all." We'd had a rash of really, really low credit scores and at the time, 550 must have been lookin' pretty good to him. (It's not. It's pretty horrible since 450 is the lowest.)

6.) "Oh, I don't want a loan. I want to refinance my vehicle/get a line of credit." Usually the ones who say this are girls who are probably blonde, but I had an older man say this to me this morning. What, do they think the money they're going to borrow is free and they don't have to pay it back? (I hastily inform them that yes, this IS a loan.)

7.) "I want $1,800 to pay my bills." Oh, if only it really were that easy.