I Am Too Old For This

Today's Joey's birthday. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY! Birthday pictures forthcoming.)

We planned to go down to his aunt and uncle's to have a party with the Texas side of the family. Joey's brother (who I will refer to as Specialist since he's in the Army and back from Iraq on leave) was there also.

For lunch we had steak and Uncle actually cut the steak himself. Not from the cow, mind you, but pretty close. It was this big hunk of creepy looking red meat that was about two times the size of my head until he sliced it up.

I was glad that I didn't have that job.

Joey started snitching off the birthday cake before we even sat down to eat lunch. Uncle gave me a spankin' spoon and told me to monitor Joey since he obviously couldn't control himself.

We all sat down for lunch. I, inopportunely, was positioned in between Joey and Specialist. The meal was progressing quite nicely. I noticed that Specialist was looking outside kind of squinty-like.

"What?" I asked.

"Check out that guy out there..." He kind of trailed off.

I squinted. I didn't see no guy nowhere.

I turned back to tell Specialist so when I noticed that he was looking real tricksy and marginally guilty.

"What?" I asked, again. (I felt like a broken record.)

Grinning like a Cheshier cat, he bragged that he'd been snitching cake.

I grabbed the spankin' spoon and poked him in the shoulder.

"HEY!" Specialist cried, snatching the spoon from me. (I tried to get it back to no avail.) "You'll get this back when you least expect it."

We finished lunch and I stood up to clear Joey and Specialist's plates. Just as I headed toward the sink I heard a resounding SMACK! and felt a very pronounced stinging sensation on my bum.

Specialist started laughing.

"OW! Did you just spank me with that spoon?" I wailed.

"I told you you'd least expect it." He was very smug.

"I'm probably going to be super bruised," I glared.

Unfortunately, I have no evidence of bruising.