The Jalapeño

Last night we ordered pizza from Papa John's for dinner. It was yummy. Papa John's pizza always comes with one jalapeño in every pizza box. I looked at the jalapeño, I looked at The Kid. I looked at the jalapeño, I looked at The Kid.

Quick as a wink, I put the jalapeño on his plate and said, "Eat it. Now. Do it."

"OK, fine," he said, and shrugged his shoulders. This was not the reaction I had been going for.

I grabbed it back. "No way, I'm going to eat it. I've never eaten one before."

The Kid's eyes lit up. "OK! Only you have to stick the whole thing in your mouth at once, and then swallow it." His eyes gleamed with a sort of strange excitement.

Andrew, my sane brother, giggled nervously. Dad and Joey looked at each other.

"Um, hon?" Joey said, "Remember when you drank that entire SoBe NoFear 'just to see what would happen?' Remember how you were sick for three days?"

"Listen to the man," My dad said.

"Yes, I remember. But that was caffeine. I'm going to eat this anyway." As I was saying these words I was thinking "stupid, stupid, stupid!"

I put the jalapeño in my mouth. I bit down....and it began to burn. I chewed, swallowed and ate a bite of pizza real quick to try to make the burning sensation diminish. (It didn't.) My esophagus felt as if it were on fire.

"Now," Dad said, "We don't want to hear any whining from you for the rest of the evening, since your husband told you not to eat the jalapeño and you still did. So...no whining."

"OK..."

Joey was looking rather pleased with himself, and very obviously trying not to laugh.

Five minutes later I said, "MAN, my esophagus is---"

"DA! No talking about it!" Pops exclaimed. I wrinkled my nose at him.

I sweated until 10:00. Four and a half hours. We had some youth group girls over and they thought I was having hot flashes. (I should certainly hope not.) Seriously...why do I do these things? :)